Monday, December 21, 2009

Please Hold [Your Call Is Important To Us]

There. All books read written about. 42 books read this year (and 5 manuscripts critiqued, 0 novels finished). I wasn't sure I'd get them finished in time. Definitely ran out of oomf at the end there. Too much analysing in too short a time. Or, I'm just tired and stupid.

Tomorrow morning I fly out without laptop or phone. I'll probably remain off the grid till I'm home again in late January, as the majority of time I'll be camping. If you have stalkerly-inclinations, you can track my approximate whereabouts following the itinerary here. If you're not quite that intense about your stalking, then just know I'm in Patagonia.

(It's amusing how many people have no idea where that is.)

Last Thursday I finished work. When it occurred to me I wouldn't be back in the office for more than a month I started to cry. The last couple of months have been a slow drowning. I'm understating that, because I've spent a considerable amount of energy not thinking of my circumstances, keeping myself distracted and the rug pulled over my eyes. Even though I can't see it, I can still feel the water rising.

There is no way out.


I need to breathe.

Tomorrow I fly out, and then I will be able to stop worrying about money as everything has already been paid for. I won't have to organise anything or anyone, as that's someone else's job. I won't be carrying the weight of all the friends I'm neglecting, because I won't be in a position to do anything for them. I won't have to hold myself together, because I won't be me. I won't be afraid for my life, because I won't be in it.

I won't be unable to write, because I will not be writing.

For the record: the balance remains in favour of the year. Despite the plunge I've taken recently, 2009 has been the best year of my life. Everything that did happen, everything that didn't happen, all I've learned and gained and lost, it was worth it. It needs to be said.

As for you kids, I hope the new year treats you kindly (and you greet it with hijinx and tomfoolery). Keep on keeping on.

Sir Tessa


  1. Bon voyage and Godspeed, Tessa. Patagonia will be awesome I'm sure - just watch out for dinosaurs. I'm looking forward to your travel report.



  2. Have a great trip! Wish you well.

    - Badger

  3. Safe and happy voyage. May it give you all the kinds of rest you need, plus a whole bunch of other good stuff.

  4. So basically you're going to be in Argentina and not visit me?!


    E-mail me if you come anywhere near Buenos Aires. <3

  5. Or just reply to this second message. <.<

  6. MANUMANU. I end up in Buenos Aires at the end of the tour. I should have the 25th of January there. (Problem will be establishing contact - I'm on a free kiosk at Sydney Airport now as my flight has been delayed by HOURS holy crap I'm bored...)

  7. -- give me your e-mail and I'll send you my phone number.

  8. Aerolineas Argentina canceled my flight to Buenos Aires, I am stuck in Auckland AT LEAST overnight, I'm going to miss the start of my tour, I AM PISSED.

    Fuck Aerolineas Argentina, with a fucking hedgehog on a fucking stick.

  9. I enjoyed reading all your book reviews! (Although I have no idea how I'm going to get all these books I need to get now...)

    I hope you have a lovely time. (That is, if you can ever get there...)

  10. Fuck Aerolineas Argentina, with a fucking hedgehog on a fucking stick.

    Oh god, yeah. They're horrible. :( I hope you can catch up.

  11. I hope you caught up and are madly touring and don't get to read this till weeks after it's written.

  12. Thought of you this morning when the airplane map gizmo showed the sun rising more or less simultaneously over Patagonia and the Bay of Biscay. What Gillian said.