For the edification of future clarionites, and those who might, for some bizarre and perverted reason known only to themselves, wish to read these posts 'just cause'. I've even refrained from editting them. Loooots of typos. I'm a shocker.
TITLE: Signing In
DATE: 01/02/2005 10:49:20 PM
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BODY:
They call Queensland the Sunshine State. I wish they didn't have reason to.
Little frazzled, still off balance. The plane trip worked its usual wonders on me; staggered off feeling decidedly less than 100%, which wasn't helped by the heat, the intense sunlight, partial dehydration, and mild hunger. Developed a bright-light induced headache which I haven't quite shaken.
The rooms here are bigger than I thought they would be, which is a pleasant surprise. That said, I have significantly less room than the others, because for some reason there is a fridge in my room. No, I don't know. Bit of cardboard on it from someone whom I assume is the owner says neither "Don't touch!" or "Feel free!" Right now, it's being used as another surface space. Maybe later I'll actually plug it in and fill it up with nice cold water.
Impressions of people so far: they're people. Duh, I hear you say, but there's only so much of a snap judgement you can make of 17 people over a handful of hours. I am the baby of the group, but not by much. Everyone has been friendly so far, although of course everyone is on the best behaviour this early on.
To be honest, it hasn't really sunk in that I'm actually here. The last month was spent dealing with retail in Christmas and Christmas itself - a week to get my act together wasn't long enough for me to build up any sort of excitement, anticipation, or expectations. I'm sitting here in this little uni dorm, wondering what exactly it is I'm doing here. Stories, right. I remember, but there isn't any understanding there yet. Nevermind, I'm sure it'll slap me like a fish in the face in the morning, when I actually have to pull my brain together and start critiquing.
Diablo II has failed me. Already. Running it makes the laptop blue screen. That's real reassuring. Oh well. I'll take it as a sign that I'm not supposed to piss fart around.
My foot is going to sleep.
I'm totally buggered, actually. Sleep didn't happen last night. Even though it's only 2230...wait, Queensland doesn't do daylight savings...2130, I may go to bed. Set a moving running that I can ignore or something, because I don't feel up to reading anything at the moment. Eyes are drooping.
Mabs...er...I can't remember the webmail address. Or my login for that matter. Just 'tessa' and my usual, right? Actually, nevermind. I just checked stats and there it was. Crap. Look at all the spam!
You know what this room really needs? A poster or too. It's a bit prison-bleak.
Oh. My goodness. Ages ago I wrote a review of a Megadeth comic for guthwulf.com and here in my inbox is an email from one of the writers. Heh! The wonders of the internet will never cease!
Okay, I think that's all for tonight. Goodnight boys and girls.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Selena
DATE: 01/04/2005 04:25:33 AM
*agrees with Max*
Always disappoints me when I go to update my own and it doesn't sound as nice. ;)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: max
DATE: 01/03/2005 12:28:45 PM
Hey Shads. Just to let you know, your prose whilst scribbling blog entries is impressive. You'll make (and you are) a wonderful writer.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/03/2005 12:06:25 PM
Ahhh yes, I remember how well you get along with Mister Sun (not to mention Mister Airplane).
We await further observations. :)
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TITLE: It didn't hurt!
DATE: 01/03/2005 02:38:06 PM
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Much.
My story was one of the first up for being ripped to shreds today. I wasn't really sure what level of criticism to expect from the group, but they all turned out to be really good at critiquing. A lot to say, but they weren't nasty about it. Yet. I'm sure we'll all turn into psycho bitches once the weeks start to pass.
That said, I'm left having very little idea of what to do with the story I offered. My big crab story, heh. No matter what issue was being discussed, the class seemed to be divided 50-50. The summary of the critique was "Rewrite it, but don't change anything." Gah! Interesting points included a large number of people treating it as though it was the first chapter of a novel (which it isn't, although I have mild ideas of waging war in the world), and that as I didn't give any description of the protagonist, the few who knew me kind of assumed she looked/acted like me. Which is worrying. Was good and thorough, and listening to the critiques of the other stories was interesting as well. It's interesting what people do and don't pick up on.
Mister Sun woke me up at 6am. Mister Sun is becoming less liked as each minute passes. Not to mention I had a bitch of a time trying to get to sleep.
Just finished lunch. Think I'll toodle off and have a shower, wash my hair, and start ye olde natural air conditioning of having a wet head. Might I mention that the shower pressure here is wonderful?
Thanks for that, Max. I've always thought my blog was pretty scatalogical in terms of its quality. :P
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Stu
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/capnoblivious
DATE: 01/10/2005 07:16:12 PM
50-50 crits: go with what sounds right.
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TITLE: Ai ca-rum-bah
DATE: 01/04/2005 09:59:23 PM
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You know, last year they didn't have any air conditioners. They had to just sit out the heat, in the heat. I shy from even trying to imagine the horror that must have been - just sitting in my room makes me cranky enough, and we have R2 working away cooling most of this floor.
To continue yesterday:
After lunch, pissfarting, and a shower, I had my one on one meeting with Sean Williams. I wasn't really sure what to expect of it, especially seeing as I didn't really have anything specific I wanted to ask him, and I'm a grade-A champion at generating awkward silences. But Sean is a grade-A+ champ at steamrolling awkward silences, and the sessions turned out to be a nice chat about writing in general. Very easy person to talk to, friendly, and not scary. Possibly because he has better air conditioning, heh. It would be nice if I could actually find any of his Star Wars books around, but they appear to have dropped off the face of the planet.
After that I was part of a failed expedition to find and jump in the pool - it was found, but also found to be closed. Spent the rest of the afternoon not quite getting work done in the common room, until Sean turned up bearing beer. Then pizza arrived (I'll never be able to go back to pan bases after thin bases). We watched Throw Momma Off The Train, a comedic Hitchcock-type movie that was all about writers, which had most of us in giggles. I'm determined to hunt it out when I get back. It's good to be able to laugh at someone else while laughing at yourself.
Sleep didn't quite happen last night. You know, usually I don't mind lying in the dark because it gives me time to play around in my head, but that was just getting boring. When I tried to kick back and read for a bit...that just wasn't happening either. I'm really hoping I get over this soon.
It is now well established that I am not a morning person.
Tee hee hee.
Although that caught me from behind at the crit session this morning. It came my turn to offer my thoughts and I had no idea what I was saying, what I wanted to say, or even how to put two thoughts together. Not terribly useful.
Sean talked to us a bit afterwards about what it is like to do a collaboration, which was quite interesting. I've never quite got my head around the collaboration process, how it works and so on. I'm sure it varies from case to case, but it was nice to get an inside view. I don't think I'm ready for collaboration yet, probably not for some years. Still too jealous of my control over a story. Put a sign on my head saying "Does Not Play Well With Others".
We seem to have established the routine of coming back after a session and having a sandwich lunch together, which is a good way to do things. A nice way of debriefing, in a way. And I like sandwiches, heh. We've been buying bulk avocados.
I got super brave today, and decided to test out the buses. Just to get to the local shopping centre. It was a success, although it would be a much pleasanter ordeal if the buses came more regularly. Being stranded in the burning ouchy hot Queensland sun for up to half an hour isn't my idea of a good time. Regardless, ten minutes to the shops is pretty good, and the buses are air conditioned.
There were two book stores having a sale at the centre. I was good. This time.
Finally, I was given a real taste of the workload today. We had 17,000 words of story to read and critique for tomorrow. The stories were lots of fun but I got meself a good ol' eyestrain headache pretty fast. This is getting reminiscant of my honours year. The constant concentration, reading, and writing, gave me eye strain all the damn time. This is twice in two days I've had a right bugger of a headache ambush me, I am really, really, really hoping it isn't going to become a regular occurance.
Oh well. Sucks to be me if it is.
It's been defeated for now though, so I'm going to try and get as much writing done as I can. In the air conditioning.
There are a great many moths and beetles clinging to my fly screen. The lure of fluorescance is too much for them.
Mum told me that today she found Sam curled up on my bed. That made me come over all sniffly. Miss my dog.
.....would you like to know a secret?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/05/2005 12:46:26 PM
The night was...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/05/2005 07:59:56 AM
every ceiling should have glow in the dark stars!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/05/2005 12:39:30 AM
....there are glow in the dark stars on my ceiling!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/04/2005 11:40:50 PM
.........yes?
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TITLE: IAMWRITER HEARMEROAR
DATE: 01/05/2005 12:52:56 AM
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This isn't exactly a writing god achievement, but I did just finish a short story. Straight off the bat. Like that. The idea having only been concieved of this morning, with half-focused scribbles of outline during the crit session, and now...written!
Not that it is in ANY condition to be viewed by the outside world. I'm just impressed with myself. Don't worry, this over-inflated ego thing will wear off after a while.
Eventually.
Sooner or later.
Heh! And normally I take months to finish a short story.
This is probably because it is nearly midnight, and I've been awake since six or seven after getting not much sleept and I'm in that weird lucid state of exhaustion in which the world makes surprising sense.
Heh.
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TITLE: Never Could Get The Hang Of Thursdays.
DATE: 01/06/2005 09:24:24 AM
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Actually, Thursdays have never bothered me much, but I was looking for a title and Arthur Dent sprang into mind.
Yesterday passed in somewhat of a haze. The critiquing session was fascinating as usual. I think I've been fairly lucky so far, in that all the stories put forth I have actually enjoyed reading, even if they're not usually to my taste. Given how much we have to read (22,000 words last night) I can't imagine having to grind through something I'm not enjoying.
After lunch Trevour, Alison and I sought out the library, having heard the air conditioning is pretty good and it's a nice quiet place to crit. Damn straight it was. Ignoring the one person in the quiet study hall who insisted on thumping every book he had on the walls, desk, I don't know, and the one guy who was bored and kept staring at us, it was fine. Lighting must be good there too, because I failed to develope a headache.
Then went and very carefully did nothing. I'd half planned on going to the shops to deposit the grant money given to me (Thanks again Clarion South!), but missed that.
Dinner was a scrumptious stir-fry courtesy of Trevour, followed by ice cream I'd decided we couldn't live without. After an after dinner conversation, I confined myself to my lair, and wrote.
The second draft of my world tree story was finished around midnight. It went from 1,500 words to 4,500 words. Whoops. Felt good to power through it though. I can see the flaws, and I'll give it a polish tonight. Hopefully a title will come to me.
I'm so not ready to face the world though. This not-quite-getting-enough sleep thing is pretty lethal. Think I have a good idea of how mum feels.
Okay, time to write out some crits before the session.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/06/2005 09:45:17 AM
I still haven't figured out sleeping yet either.
I got into the habbit of staying up till three or four in the morning during the holidays, and now I keep forgetting that if I want to get up at six or seven, that means I need to be in bed before 10....or before midnight even...heh
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TITLE: Debriefing
DATE: 01/07/2005 12:58:38 AM
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Although I have again just spent the last two hours typing faster than normal and my knuckles and wrists are staging a mutiny, I shall post. Because my brain is wired, and everyone else is in bed, and I need to have a brainvomitalloverthepage. Or something.
Although my days are incredibly full, they're not exciting to report. Get up, lurch, shower, lurch, devour breakfast, lurch to crit session, crit, crit, crit, crit, crit, lunch, read new stories until library closes at 1730, time out, dinner, chat, piss-fart, write, write, write.
I managed to avoid getting a headache today, which I think has everything to do with doing my reading in the library. Good lighting and air conditioning, even if the desks and chairs are devilishly and deliberately unergonomic. I'm hardly an ergonomic person, but they're just wrong.
Dinner tonight was a bit different, as we'd invited Sean Williams over after Ellen had told us a heart-breaking story of him sitting all alone eating a tin of spaghetti. Turned out it was a nice ravioli. Alison cooked an amazing chicken stir-fry full of corriander and lime and ginger - it was literally a taste explosion. Had a nice chat over and after dinner, till we released him to go to dessert on the second floor. I had hoped to get downstairs and join the first floor for drinks, but I didn't finish writing in time. I've decided I need to go visiting and socialising a bit more.
Must say, so far the group living is working for me. There are annoying parts which mostly revolve around having to wait for the shower or the kitchen being completely inadequetly stocked, which isn't really our fault, but I'm liking being able to jump into a conversation at any time. Provided there is one going on, and we're not all cooped up in our caves reading.
I'm sitting on a telephone book, because this chair really wasn't high enough.
Last night, an enormous praying mantis decided to play peeping tom at my window. I'm fairly sure it was trying to steal my writing. Until it got too bold and fell, that is.
Yeah, I think that's all for now. Wired, but fried as well, I'm afraid. I actually read a bit of my book last night. It was amusing to read about Mary Queen of Scots and Queen Elizabeth from the hand of someone who was so terribly biased. Probably has wet dreams about Mary. Anyway, I'm off for now. No more typing.
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TITLE: Tum ti tum
DATE: 01/07/2005 05:20:16 PM
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I made a point to pledge my next story for monday, so I would have to hand it in this morning. Soley so as not to have it hanging over my head during the weekend. I also crit monday's stories for the same reason.
Now I have nothing to do, and I'm feeling the stirrings of battiness.
I want my Xbox.
(Am suffering from terrible embarrassment due to said story. I am never proofreading after midnight again.)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/07/2005 05:51:58 PM
but after midnight is when all the most creative stuff happens!
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TITLE: Chillax!
DATE: 01/08/2005 01:56:52 AM
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I forget that these entries have a time stamp as well as a date stamp, and people have noticed that most of my posts happen after midnight. Heh. Hi you people! UPDATE! DAMMIT! (Not you, Suzanne, Deb, the other two. They know who they are.)
Today was a really bad day for critting. Common knowledge that I'm not a morning person, but I've been managing to do well in the past few days. This morning was obviously a threshold crossed. Despite having notes written down right in front of me...I was not processing. Couldn't think, couldn't connect thoughts together, couldn't speak a coherent sentence. It was like having a big concrete block in my head, around which the other thoughts couldn't quite squeeze. Felt like I was letting down the people getting stories critiqued, and for that I apologise. Hopefully they can all read my handwriting.
I also apologise for the story I submitted. I'm so sorry. The typos, the punctuation in weird funky places, the paragraphing, the incorrect words, I'm so sorry! I am NEVER proofreading after midnight again.
Embarrassment is too mild a word. I'm teetering on the edge of humiliation.
Today was Dr Logic's birthday (Happy Birthday Nathan!) and to celebrate that, the coming of weekend, and surviving week one, we all went out to a Thai restaurant. My floor arrived first, and we made a point of seating ourselves at intervals, so as we weren't all sitting together. As a result, I finally got to have a good chat with some other people, and it was brilliant. I haven't laughed that much in a long time, and my cheeks hurt.
Went visiting the other floors afterwards, and checked out Suzanne's awesome stalker book and commiserated with her about missing our loved ones (in her case, children, in my case, dog. Yes, mum, I miss you too!), and listened to Ellen do fabulous voices. I am pretty much totally unwound now, and I think I could possibly go to bed and not be utterly bored and restless.
Plans for tomorrow include: SLEEP IN. Do washing. Possibly go to shops and get small things like a bra washing bag, and...shit there was something else I totally forgot. Bah. I'll remember after shopping. Oh yeah, desk lamp, definitely.
Going to potter around on the net, and then vamoose. Night world.
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TITLE: Sleep! Blessed Sleep!
DATE: 01/08/2005 11:48:06 AM
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Yes, for me there is an infinitely discernable difference between waking and getting up due to an alarm clock, and waking and getting up because I'm ready. I actually feel alert, and not like I'm trying to think through a lake of thick snot. Not to mention the lack of exhaustion.
That said, I'm still not entirely sure of what to do with myself. Think after a shower I'll just take myself straight to the shops, get the stuff I need, so I can do a load of washing when I get back. After that, who knows. I've no idea who is and isn't in their rooms, be they sleeping or gone.
It's sunny/not sunny at the moment. Scattershot clouds are marching across the sun. I keep hoping that one will just stay there, although I can't complain too much, the air is still quite cool. I didn't even have my fan on last night. Yeah, I know, totally fucked up.
Actually...shit, I don't know if I have enough money to get on the bus...yes I do. Just. Must get more money out, owe people. Must buy bra bag, desk light. Rest can go in shopping tomorrow. Throw more money in kitty.
Time to haul arse.
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TITLE: Arrr! I be having booty!
DATE: 01/08/2005 09:13:19 PM
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Latched onto Alison as she was walking out the door, and we went for a jaunt into the city. Pretty please with the buses so far, as there are direct routes to both the city and local shops, which are probably the only two places I need to go.
She was looking to two book shops at one of the convenors recommendation. First was inner city Dymocks. Gosh. Big. Large sci-fi section with several books I've been searching for. Could have been very bad, but restrained myself to only buying one of Sean's books.
Next was Pulp Fiction. Oh. My. God. I could have bought so many books there, so many! They had heaps of stuff I've been wanting and can't get in Australia! Sir Tessa's wet dream! Ahhh! But again, I restrained myself, and bought only three books written by our tutors. The manager chatted to us about Clarion, and how Michael Swanwick had been in yesterday signing things. Lovely little place. If I have any money left at the end of the workshop, I'm going back there, and I'm going to be very, very bad.
Lunch in a food court, followed by wandering around looking for various bits and pieces. I didn't manage to find a bra bag (a shopping centre WITHOUT a Bras 'n Things in it? Unheard of!) nor did I manage to get a copy of the original Diablo (I know. Shoosh. I need something to vege out in front of on occasion, an $10 for a game isn't particularly naughty.), but I did get a desk light. $20 in target, and it has a stretchy neck and everything. Reminds me somewhat of that round black bleeping beetle droid in Star Wars.
So my treasure stands at:
# 1 desk light
# Star Wars - Force Heretic 1: Remnant - Sean Williams (Two birds with one stone; soon we shall see if the Star Wars universe yanks my chain in written words.)
# Black Juice - Margo Lanagan (The cover design of my copy is much nicer.)
# The Risen Empire - Scott Westerfeld (which I just realised is book one of two, doh!)
# The Iron Dragon's Daughter - Michael Swanwick (I already have a book of his, but I've been looking for this for a while.)
# washed and folded clothes (Thank you Dr Logic!)
I like my room more now, because I have a very small pile that looks a little bit like a book case. It sounds sad, but I miss the presence of my books. They're a nice little reminder of what I'm trying to do, and why I'm doing it, and having this tiny little book shelf is a comfort. Either that, or I just like the fact that it makes the room look a bit more lived in. Prison block I say!
Thanks for calling, Mum. I would have called sooner myself, but I've either been out or slaving, and I figure you don't actually want to answer the phone after midnight.
Am wrestling with an idea for my week three story. I have one I like, and I started doing a little scribble which I really liked the tone of, but it's a style very different from my normal third person straightness. It'll be challenging to finish, I think, but at least I'll have written a sailing story if I do. Arrr!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Aanimal
URL: http://weblog.juima.org
DATE: 01/10/2005 04:53:29 PM
*googles for pulp fiction and notes address* ^_^
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TITLE: And another thing...
DATE: 01/09/2005 01:28:15 AM
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(I know, I know, way too many posts for one day. Can't help it. Things of mild interest are actually happening in my life.)
I turn 24 this year. 24. 2 x 12. That means....
....it is...
The Year of the Rooster.
MY year.
I think I'm reaching a tolerance threshold. Yes, it's all well and new and exciting...but I haven't had a hug for a week, nor have I pet my dog, nor have I even just used someone to lean on.
I guess I'll get by.
Goodbye Sean, so long, and thanks for all the fish.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/09/2005 11:21:33 AM
I'm a Dragon. (of course!) Born in the hour of the Boar, at that.
You've posted more in the last week than you do in nearly a month, I think. ;)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Selena
DATE: 01/09/2005 09:23:49 AM
Year of the Rooster, huh? Cool!
I'm a rooster too. :)
The more I see that word the weirder it seems.
Rooster.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/09/2005 07:22:51 AM
*hug*
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TITLE: SirTessa's Theory of Shrinking Sleep
DATE: 01/09/2005 11:49:33 AM
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The earlier you go to bed, the later you go to sleep.
The later you go to sleep, the earlier you wake up.
Not to mention the fact that this morning the wind kept barging into my room and lifting all the ceiling bats. "bop bop bop bop!" This sleep thing just isn't going to happen.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/11/2005 02:01:49 AM
I knew that :P
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/10/2005 08:40:23 PM
That's Collins, Angus and Robertson is outside...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/10/2005 04:42:52 PM
I had one of those lights once, a long time ago, and it'd probably be better for me here, except I'm not sure it would do much good cliping on the screen of my laptop. The desk light I bought is pretty good though, and the power points are in just the right position that I can move it from desk to shelf without unplugging it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/10/2005 02:43:31 PM
For Christmas I got the folks and myself a set of those clip-on reading lamps - you know, the ones where it attaches to the back cover of the book (the back cover and the last 20 pages is a good idea if it's a paperback) and there's a little extendable/rotatable neck with a three-LED lamp on it.
Best investment I've made for a long time, since with my bedside lamp dead I had the same problem with waking up to turn the lamp off. It's really powerful but light enough that you soon get used to holding it, and it's bright enough that I even use it as a torch to find my way around on occasion.
Thoroughly recommended. I got mine at Angus @ Robertson (I think - lower ground floor in the Canberra Centre anyway). You can also get power packs for them if you don't want to burn batteries.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/09/2005 03:25:55 PM
yup..sounds 'bout right to me. Though I think in my case all I need is a reading light 'cause I have the problem that I'll read until I'm just about falling asleep, but then getting up to turn out the light wakes me up again....bah!
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TITLE: Some Pik-churs
DATE: 01/09/2005 10:41:05 PM
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To begin with, some photos taken by Suzanne of The First Floor, to be found here. There is an absolutely brilliant one of me there, heh.
And the convenor's gallery, which has some good shots of Sean and his Progressive Dinner. Good shots of everyone else here.
Met Michael Swanwick tonight, very different from Sean, but a laid back and chatty kind of guy. I no longer fear him. (Susan next door had this hilarious dream that put me in giggles every time I talk about it, where Michael was a really heavy dwarf who made her carry him around all the time and told her what to do.) Michael is not only critting our stories for his week, but he's also marked up our submission stories, and possibly our week one stories. I'm looking forward to that.
Currently working on a story that is challenging me in all sorts of horrible ways. To begin with, it isn't Tessafantasy as people have come to know it, it's something of a tradition ghost story. However...and this is the bit that's giving me trouble, it's asking, no, demanding to be written in first person, AND in a vernacular. Ack! So far, I'm not doing too badly (although said vernacular goes on and off a bit), but it is taking me a long time to write. I'm not in familiar territory, so I actually have to think about the sentences I'm writing, which is not the standard process and is slowing me down a lot. But I figured I needed to break from my comfort zone - people were starting to call me Gigantor because of my inclination to write very large thingies. They're also calling me Tessaargh, but that's entirely my own fault. I'll try and insert a Sir in front, just for consistancy.
Think I'll try to get another half page or so written before calling it a night. Have to adhere to the alarm clock thingywotsit again.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/10/2005 04:44:19 PM
Hello wind, welcome back!
And Dr Logic should not be fazed by beady little eyes. Ha ha haaar.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/10/2005 01:41:26 PM
ugh. back in town. back at work. hello world.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Nathan
DATE: 01/10/2005 09:23:16 AM
Tessa the TrapDoor spider made an appearance at the pool table last night, popping up to put players off their shots. Very unnerving.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tessa
DATE: 01/10/2005 09:13:15 AM
I know, I cracked up when I saw it and the caption. So very much true.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/10/2005 02:42:51 AM
Slumped on a couch, staring off into space, and pouting. CLASSIC. :D
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TITLE: SAVAGED and unsavaged
DATE: 01/10/2005 05:06:54 PM
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I can see the big problem that I will have during Clarion South, and it's an entirely personal thing that very little can be done about. Generally I will leave a story alone before sending it to be critted or trying to fix it myself. Here, I will not have that luxury of time. When my stories are up for critting, I'll still be very close to them, I'll still be excited about them, I'll still be in love with them. That gives the crits just a little more sting.
I have a good handle now on how the others crit, but I can see every week the tutors are going to be a huge and terrifying unknown factor. Sean Williams was very easy on us. Michael Swanwick, while giving brilliant and useful advice, was a bit like being savaged by a tiger. An insightful tiger, but a tiger none the less. Luck of the draw really, I was first up, and the story I submitted really wasn't suited to him. (Somehow, I've written a comedy. I didn't mean it.) It was surprising to feel myself get beat down by a crit, because I was wandering around under the impression that I have developed a suitably thick skin. Not quite. I'm still and always will be a sensitive little soul, and while I want feedback of everything that didn't work, I really need to hear about what did work as well. Just so my ego doesn't explode in despair.
That said, the "ouch, that hurt," aspect wore off pretty fast. And I still really love the story, and the fact that other people had fun with it is the biggest compliment I was hoping for.
I was a bit nervous about the one-on-one session, if only because I'd just pulled myself out and didn't want to get all mopey again, but the one-on-one turned out to be excellent. Michael really, really, really, REALLY knows what he's talking about, and knows how to get right to the heart of a story and what buttons need to be pushed to pull it together. Absolutely brilliant advice, and a few things said that shored up my ego. Ego was sulking a bit.
It's great to have the contrast between the two different tutors. I think now we understand and appreciate exactly what we're going to recieve and endure here. All these people know what they're talking about, and they all have different things to say, and different backgrounds. Michael was great, as he also went through my submission story and first week story as well. I was thinking this morning that I wanted to bounce this story of Sean, but the opportunity won't arise, so getting a couple of tutors looking at the one story was great. Half tempted to take one story and bounce it off every tutor, but no. I would like to try and write one story a week, just to see if I can.
As a side note...last week we read and crit 85,500 words. That's pretty much a novel. Speaking of which, I need to read tomorrow's stories.
Dr Logic is arachnophobic, bwahahahaha!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Suzanne Church
DATE: 01/11/2005 12:49:18 AM
Tessa:
You had the worst position - going first. You took it in stride, and you'll always be able to say you survived Michael Swanwick's first bloodletting.
We're all cheering for you.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/10/2005 08:50:09 PM
hmmm, I'm not sure I'd say _commedy_, it was fairly light - but never really crossed the line into commedy, and had a darker undertone...
possibly similar to what'd happen if you smushed together China Mieville and Terry Pratchett...
-----
--------
TITLE: Knocking
DATE: 01/10/2005 10:59:15 PM
-----
Something really freaky just happened. I was on the phone to dad, sprawled on the bed, when there was two knocks. From the bed head. Understandably, this unnerved me. Especially when it happened a second time. Asked Susan next door if she was knocking, and she hadn't been, so there was no other alternative but that the place was haunted.
'cept it turned out it was just Psychic Trevor on the door and some funky acoustics. Which wasn't nearly as exciting.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/11/2005 04:46:59 PM
No problems, Gillian. It's as much for me to keep record (and write without fear of it having a strong beginning/no info dumps/logic holes/structural problems) as anything else.
Trevor alternates between being a psychic (he freaked me out at dinner last night by practicing on me) and being a cyborg. No, really, he is.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/11/2005 01:41:50 PM
.. it might have been a coincidence
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Gillian
DATE: 01/11/2005 01:22:39 PM
Nice to know taht Trevor is psychic. Now he needs a psychic's sidekick...
Thank you for the LJ entries - it is great to keep in touch with you and to see Clarion through your eyes.
-----
--------
TITLE: The Merciless Demon of Story Beginnings
DATE: 01/11/2005 04:53:32 PM
-----
...has within me AWAKENED.
Something just snapped, or clicked into place depending on how you look at it, when I was reading the stories for tomorrow. Suddenly, I can see where a story starts, regardless of how many pages there are. As a result, I've slashed through several pages on each story in red pen, which looks really scary. I can only hope that I'll be able to turn the Merciless Demon of Story Beginnings on myself, because I'm guilty of exactly that.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/11/2005 10:53:00 PM
My journalism professor was soft on us. He used a *gasp* GREEN pen.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/11/2005 10:08:02 PM
Too late, Dr Logic, for your story is already crit! Ahahahahahahaaaaa!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Nathan
DATE: 01/11/2005 09:30:17 PM
Hey, I'm watching you TrapDoor! Put the red pen down and step away from my story...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/11/2005 05:39:36 PM
urk!, fear the red pen of doooooooooooooooom!
-----
--------
TITLE: Week Two Disillusionment
DATE: 01/11/2005 11:23:15 PM
-----
I'm not dissing the people or the course, but I think reality has kicked in now. I'm aware that I'm going to get bruised and battered and carry grudges or be grudged at and live with this for the next five weeks...the initial wow-excitement phase has worn off, and now I'm just tired, angry at my protagonist for getting thrown in irons when that definitely wasn't one of the plot points, and homesick.
Me and my ego can take a bashing - bashings are important to keep me from arrogance - but I'm not entirely sure how I'll go considering I have the potential to get severely bashed once every week for over a month. There's no recovery time in there, in fact there's a whole week of PMS in there which I can see causing all sorts of trouble.
There's a whole world of difference between knowing something won't be easy, and understanding it.
Eh. I'll get over it.
...but wait! Inspiration has kicked me in the head and I can get my protag out of irons without the piss-poor lame excuse I'm using now! Excuse me!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Paul Haines
DATE: 01/14/2005 12:54:26 PM
Stick in there, Tessa. I'd love to say it gets better cos it does, but it also gets worse. I look back at it with fond memories now though. (Can I compare that to childbirth? Maybe not...)
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Harley
DATE: 01/13/2005 07:22:39 AM
Take it an' run with it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: b.
URL: http://benpeek.livejournal.com
DATE: 01/12/2005 10:13:58 PM
poison everyone.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/12/2005 12:26:31 PM
If you're not complaining it can't be a Melbourne influence.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/12/2005 12:34:12 AM
Yeah, you're spot on there. Keep thinking on how hard it was to leave at the end of the Young Endeavour voyage, and I can't get my head around how hard it will be to leave this people I've lived with for six weeks, whether we're pulling each other's hair out or no.
And yes. I believe my Melbourne-influence has followed me up here. Totally not complaining.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/12/2005 12:19:33 AM
And by the end of week five, you'll want to do it all over again :)
At least the weather has been pretty mild.
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--------
TITLE: Eeh? Uh?
DATE: 01/12/2005 03:26:49 PM
-----
I don't know any other Tessas, and so whenever the name is used in conversation, first instinct is to think it's in reference to me.
First Michael Swanwick was quoting lyrics in which "Tessa was rain and John was fire", which is weird but fine.
However. Oh...How...Ever...In the middle of a critique he suddenly pops up with "Or you could do like Tessa and rub fireflies on your nipples," which brought out a total What The Fuck? and cracked everyone up. This Tessa was a friend of his, who apparently throws hamburgers up for bats to eat. I have been recieving jibes ever since.
Glow in the dark nipples ain't my thang.
Alison asked me if I was getting noises in the roof, which I have been, although coming from a possum-infested neighbourhood, noises in the roof don't really bother me. Although, that led me to mention that I've been hearing noises in the room on my right, which is actually not being used and has been locked all this time. She and Rjurik burst in with "Yeah!" and they've been hearing noises in there too and proceeded to scare the shit out of me. I mean, in bed last night I was looking at the way the light fell through the window in such a way that it looked exactly like some creepy spirit thing. Ai.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/13/2005 03:31:40 PM
Possumes? CUTE? Have you ever had one wander into your kitchen, start eating cat food, and just sit there and stare at you with its mouth open when you scream and wave a broom at it? Cheeky bastards, they are.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/13/2005 01:02:37 PM
Urk! any snail unleashed by Tessa is likely to be 10 feet tall and likely to be perfectly capable of eating your face off!
hmmm...possums: nasty bush destroying native bird killing monsters! (sorry, built in Kiwi reaction there...heh)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/13/2005 09:10:25 AM
I don't care! No goddamn spelling or grammatical nitpicks here or I WILL SMITE THEE VERILY WITH SNAILS!
Ben, stop that. Too suseptible to suggestion in the mornings.
And yeah, Aussie possums are actually cute...'cept I know they're nasty little screeching things.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rajan
DATE: 01/13/2005 02:48:28 AM
Australian possums are actually cute, though, and do not much resemble large rats like their American cousins do.
I think I'm going to have to steal that firefly thing for a future story...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/13/2005 01:38:32 AM
If you're gonna bitch about apostrophes, spell them right at least - not to mention the fact that you're making a verb out of a noun. ;)
Possums are evil nasty disgusting creatures that are about as useful to the world as flies - which is to say they probably are, somehow, but nobody knows what.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: b.
URL: http://benpeek.livejournal.com
DATE: 01/12/2005 10:17:56 PM
poison them all...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/12/2005 08:55:48 PM
'twasn't a critique, 'twas a complaint, there's a difference *grin*
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/12/2005 06:09:10 PM
THIS IS A CRITIQUE FREE ZONE, GAHFUCKINGDAMMIT!!!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/12/2005 05:50:39 PM
argh! you apostrophied your plural!...argh!
sory...heh....just had a few to many emails with apostrophy laden plurals in them today...hehe
*not making any comment whatsoever about glow in the dark nipples*
-----
--------
TITLE: I am Tessa, Hear me yawn
DATE: 01/13/2005 09:22:05 AM
-----
Must catch up on sleep. Must catch up on sleep. Must stop participating in activities that have the opposite efffect.
So far, I don't have writing burnout, and I don't have reading burn out, but I do have the beginnings of crit burn out. I'm not quite reading as analytical as I can, and I'll get to the end of a story and stare at it blankly for a while with bugger all to say, which isn't particularly useful.
Finished next week.........fuck, I wish I'd remembered to bring my grammar book and dictionary. Next week's? Next weeks? Next weeks'? I'VE FINISHED THE FUCKING STORY. It doesn't have the funky mistakes that last weeks had, and holds together quite well, but when it comes down to it, it just doesn't excite me, which is disappointing more than anything else. I want to try and push through the weekend, and maybe get out a second story that does make me giddy, just for my own satisfaction.
Last night was heaps of fun. Suzanne, Shane, Marc and I went out to dinner. The original plan included Chinatown, but that didn't pan through because it would take too long to get there. We ended up at the chinese place next to the thai restaurant we went to last week. Food wasn't great, but the company was, and I had myself a jolly good time. Suzanne showed me a nifty trick with her tongue, and I'd like to show it off except that I get the giggles when I think about it, which could prove disasterous.
Afterwards was followed by an amusing sit in with the first floor, a bunch that just crack me up, and just as I was thinking "I should be heading to bed," Trevor and Alison pop up and ask if we want to watch a film. Silly me, I said yes, and now I'm paying for it. Good film though.
I even...drank.
Yes! I know, it's shocking! There were some Baileys Glides in the fridge when we arrived, so we just claimed them. I drank half, and it tasted good, and I didn't feel a thing. I may try to be a bit more adventurous next time, and drink the whole bottle.
That's all, really. Need to go make a sandwich to take to class. Avoided breakfast because my tummy is not happy for whatever obscure reason. Possibly I need to go find something to leap out at and distract. Bwahahahaha!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/13/2005 11:10:40 PM
oh ok, southside. you're living on campus?
go visit sunnybank if you havent already. more asian food than chinatown and it's only a suburb away from you.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/13/2005 09:31:55 PM
Wind...er...we're on the Nathan campus of Griffith University. Where ever that is.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/13/2005 08:29:47 PM
"next week's"
which side of town are you on?
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--------
TITLE: Baby Shoggoth In Da House
DATE: 01/14/2005 12:49:02 AM
-----
Remember the noises from the empty locked room next door? Mark downstairs dubbed it the Baby Shoggoth, from Lovecraft's mythos. Which didn't comfort me.
I was just having a yak with Trevor then when the noises started in the ceiling. There's a Baby Shoggoth taken the form of a fucking possum walking around on my damn ceiling bats. Fucker! Thumped the roof and it seemed to back off, so I went to clean my teeth...and it followed me into the bathroom. Grah! I left the bathroom quietly, hoping to give it the slip, and next I know Trevor's come bounding out of his room because it's romping around on his ceiling now.
I'm just waiting for it to find another possumbabyshoggoth, and fight.
Today was the F Block Progressive Dinner with Michael Swanwick and his wife Marianne (I have no idea if that is the correct spelling, apologies if not). We had them last, for drinks, and had a nice sit around starting with politics and moving to writing, then art, and then conventions.
Temptation got the better of me today. There's a bookstore having a huge sale, with all sorts of things remaindered, and I know the authors don't get any money from remaindered books but...there's always that but.
My sins include A Sheltered Life: The Unexpected History of the Giant Tortoise by Paul Chambers, and Imagined Corners: Exploring the World's First Atlas by Paul Binding. The tortoise book was a must. I'd seen it in a book store and found it fascinating, but for a small book $35 was a lot. The other...I'd been lusting after this one for a while, but it is an expensive book, and given my financial situation the past year, never been something I could indulge in. Well. It's mine now! I only feel a little guilty. I'm gaining a lot of pleasure having my little bookshelf to look at. That's kind of sad.
I'm going through the day backwards. Heh.
Crit was as always. Despite it being nearly midnight, I'm going to write for a bit. Dumb of me, but I don't care.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Gillian
URL: http://www.gillianpolack.com
DATE: 01/14/2005 01:11:11 PM
Possums always wear hobnail boots when they walok over bedrooms (little known aspect of natural history) so either you call him BabyShoggothinHobnails or you talk him into taking them off. My mother uses strategically placed apple cores for the latter - I know the cores get eaten but I have no idea if that keeps possums from the roof or if they just regard it as midnight nibble to accompany their dancing.
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--------
TITLE: AllBang, NoSleep, MAKETESSAANGRY
DATE: 01/15/2005 12:59:37 PM
-----
Fuckberries. I'm on the third storey, the third fucking storey. You'd think I'd be able to look outside my window, and not see a total fucking stranger RIGHT THERE. But noooo. Some bright fucking spark thought it was a fucking awesome idea to start changing the gutters on this place at seven o'fucking clock in the morning, on a fucking Saturday morning. My fucking sleep catch up day. I get woken up by this BANGBANGBANGBANG!!!YOURIGHTMATE??YEAHMATE! and I sit up and they're right fucking there at my window. I sleep with my window open and my curtain back to let the air in, and it's a fucking one in a million chance that it wasn't that hot last night, so I was actually in my PJs.
All this fucking banging has been pretty fucking constant. It's now eleven fucking thirty and they seem to have stopped, although they might just be repositioning their machine for another assault. Fucking arseholes.
Right, now I've got that out of my system, we can continue with our normal programming.
Yesterday did not start well. My alarm went off, and I reset it to get a bit more of a sleep in....and then woke up five minutes after I should have left. This was followed by a frenzy of activity, getting dressed, getting my stuff together, putting stuff away because the cleaners were coming, forgetting this, grabbing that, and then running off to the crit room.
There's a reason I give myself at least half an hour in the morning to just sit there and be a vegetable, and that's because insane activity bursts like this, first thing in the morning, fuck me up real good. By the time I got to the room, I already had a headache growing in my eye, and having missed breakfast, was starving. My crits weren't great, and I apologise to Kenrick, Anne, Rjurik, and Susan. Concerned people kept asking me what was wrong, I looked that bad.
At the end of the session we gave Michael Swanwick his little present; a musical triangle, to represent his little analytical triangle tool that popped out at least twice a crit session, which was probably the biggest thing we all took away from him. I got my books signed, and my note book now has two signatures in it, exciting!
After lunch and a shower, I felt a lot more human. Pissfarted around a bit, got some writing done for next week - I had a flash of insanity, and pledged two stories for next week. Don't ask.
For dinner, Trevor, Rjurik, Lily, Alison and I kidnapped Heather, forced her to drive us to Chinatown, and we had dinner out. Much silliness was to be had. Trevor did all sorts of magic tricks (I am very easily entertained) and Heather's...well. Yes. Heh.
Afterwards we ventured to Mt Coot-tha (spelling?) and oh my god. I don't think I've ever had a view tear me up before. For no particular reason either. Just walked onto the platform and it kicked me in the heart.
And, just because we hadn't had enough fun yet, we decided that the witching hour should be spent in the Toowong Cemetery. Big step forward for me, given my overly active imagination and terror of ghosties. It was actually quite peaceful, although I got the guilts for disturbing the dead. I apologise every time I touched a gravestone to get my balance. I realise they're all dead, but I see no point giving them a reason to come bacy as vengeful zombies. Crawling around playing hide and seek might have been pushing it though.
Went for a long walk along the road to try and find some mausoleums, and failed to.
Was a ridiculously fun and stupid night out. Again, again!
Now, I need to get cracking - they do sound as though they've stopped - wait, that's probably just lunch - write this story, must write this story. Third floor is cooking dinner for everyone tomorrow night as well. Eeek!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/18/2005 08:58:41 AM
I was..... kidnapped???
Knew I'd missed something. :-D
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--------
TITLE: Bloody BabbyShoggoth
DATE: 01/16/2005 11:38:59 AM
-----
I'm associating any noise I can't place to the right of me as being the BabyShoggoth. BabyShoggoth was ridiculously busy last night. Bumping and banging. Bah.
The draft comes in at around 4,000 words, but it will be longer on the rewrite. Romance is obviously not my strength. It is incredibly hard to write.
Had an afternoon nap yesterday. I needed it, but I don't think I'll do it again. Felt like total shit waking up.
We're hosting dinner tonight, for Ellen Datlow's meet 'n greet. I think Susan has a clear idea of what she wants in mind, because I have no idea.
It's getting hotter. Blast it. Anyway, off to do shower, wash clothes, and convince someone that they want to let me print my story.
--------
TITLE: Boom!
DATE: 01/17/2005 11:52:21 PM
-----
That was the sound of my ego inflating at supersonic speeds.
I went into the crit session today totally prepared to be torn to pieces and spend the rest of the week shoring myself up again, and the total opposite happened. Ellen Datlow said very nice things about my story and suggested some markets I should send it to. I'm just a wee bit astonished considering that the story...well, I don't think much of it really. It was an excerise in voice (that may or may not have worked), but the story itself doesn't excite me. Although, after all that...
I just finished writing my second story of this week, which won't get the same warm reception. As I read it out loud I detected the faint but distinct aroma of very bad cheese. I like cheesiness, but it has to be good cheese. This is bad cheese, but given I was experimenting with romance, I'm not all that surprised. Romance writers, I've decided, have the toughest damn gig on the planet. And I also will not be attempting two stories in one week ever again.
We had Ellen over for dinner, and she's a great person to chat to, very relaxed and casual. The Tenderizor cooked a faaaabulous chicken curry, which went down well with some fruit salad.
Today was really nice. And I was fearing it. Ha!
Time to catch up on sleep and hit the sack before midnight, methinks.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/18/2005 12:15:39 AM
hey congrats. nice work :)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/18/2005 12:03:50 AM
*grin* very good.
Sleep well!
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--------
TITLE: Rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb
DATE: 01/18/2005 09:42:34 PM
-----
I had intended to get an early night last night, but I made the mistake of deciding to read one of Margo Lanagan's stories. I started with Singing My Sister Down, which I think is nominated for an Aurealis award. Huge fucking mistake. Story upset me to no end, was this close to tears I had to go read another two stories. Beautiful and powerful stuff, but not really what I wanted to end the day on.
Today was just...eh. Had a hard time concentrating in the crit session, felt headachey and pissed off coming out of it. Wasn't sure why till I checked my pills, and yep. Rag time is a comin'. So begins the descent in to raving PMS-induced fury.
I should know know better than to consider clothes shopping whilst PMSing, because I inevitably feel like a very short, fat, ugly troll, which isn't really inducive to having a good time. See, I kind of want a new dress for the Aurealis awards night. Feel like going all out. But...yeah. That just didn't happen today, and the only dress I saw that I really liked was $180, which is a lot.
Did indulge in some more books I don't need. The Psychic sent me off to Archives, and while he told me it was a huge and wonderful secondhand book store...he didn't really TELL me. Wasn't prepared for exactly how many books I had to talk myself out of. It hurt. Walked away with Great Short Stories 1 & 2 put out by Readers Digest (I'd originally thought they were ghost stories, because apparently I can't read, but no skin of my nose. Time to read short stories outside of the spec genres anyway.) and Tombs edited by Peter Crowther, and featuring some of the usual suspects. I could have been much much worse, and probably will be later.
Dinner is ready. Will continue later.
It is later. Think I was going to talk about my writing and how I haven't had a crisis yet. Think I am jinxing myself saying so. But no, haven't had crisis in confidence yet. Feel tomorrow's story will change that because I'm not happy with it.
Really just need some puppy time or something.
Am going to brainstorm. Downstairs. Don't feel like being alone right now.
--------
TITLE: Dried Up
DATE: 01/19/2005 01:21:50 AM
-----
Writer's block? Not entirely. Got the ideas. Creative juices? The fuck are you joking? I squeezed out two stories in a ridiculous amount of time, I'm dried up. Seriously dried up, and super pissed off at this fucking story that wants to have romans in it. Why the fuck romans? I don't know anything about romans! I don't have the time to spend on fucking research! But I'm dry. Don't know what the point is, what the messege is, only have a vague idea of whose story it is. Dried up. Writer's lube, please.
I wrote a third of a page. That will do for now.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/24/2005 09:01:49 AM
I have working knowledge of Romans, if that helps. :-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/19/2005 09:46:37 AM
*emails some mental KY*
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/19/2005 08:04:19 AM
these Romans are crazy!
-----
--------
TITLE: Unhappy Camper
DATE: 01/19/2005 05:58:49 PM
-----
I just read a story that took me back to a place I don't want to go, and I still have writer's constipation, and I'm generally feeling not at all happy and perky.
This is not a crisis in confidence. This is just me sitting in a hole with a big pile of shit on my head. Eventually the smell will drive me out.
On the bright side (yeah, I still have some of them lying around), my romantic western vampire story was fairly well recieved. Although the story itself was simple and damn cliched, I appear to have pulled off the romance. w00t to me! Now I'm going back to writing hermits. Much easier.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/20/2005 12:03:32 PM
There's your story idea right there.
"It was not until my fifteenth year as an occult investigator," said Professor Buttlesworth as we sat in the gloom of his library vault, "that I discovered, through being left with no weapon to combat them other than my teeth, that Shoggoths do in fact taste rather pleasantly of peppermint."
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/19/2005 11:39:50 PM
Mr Farrer, gloating is so unbecoming.
At this point, the Baby Shoggoth would probably cheer me up, because I'd have something to throw things at.
Probably not a good idea to throw things at shoggoths, but eh. I could take a shoggoth right now. Using only my teeth.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/19/2005 11:25:15 PM
Cheer up, maybe it's just the shoggoth on your head.
(PS - I'm listening to my Rap Canterbury Tales CD now, so there.)
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--------
TITLE: Unpleasant Places
DATE: 01/20/2005 12:50:52 AM
-----
I hate being a woman. I'd trade it all in for a life free of PMS, boobs, discrimination, and the ability to write my name in the snow in a shot. It's not worth it. I don't want kids, I shouldn't have to put up with this.
Screaming and swearing too much. Sorry. Trying to curb it.
Not in a happy place. Over sensitive and quietly spiking myself into misery. Wrote a story, yes, my third fucking story this week. I'm not proud of myself. I don't care that it's a piece of pointless bullshit. I just don't care. Tried to get myself out by having a giggle with the snortcackle bunch, but I'm like a bit of iron. Just zing, straight back to being a pissed off little girl. Petulant. Shitty. All sorts of needy. Where's my puppy when I need him?
Can't go to bed like this. Will just think myself into a deeper hole. Don't know what to do with myself though.
Will be better in the morning.
Nothing bad happened today, you know. It was a perfectly normal day. Never underestimate the power of hormones.
I'm calm, the way a bear trap is calm.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/24/2005 09:08:57 AM
I also swear by (but not at) EPO, although my preference is salt and sugar mix (you know, pkt of chips closely followed by milk choc).
Rub a rose geranium essential oil (1 drop per 10 mls carrier oil) on ywer tum, too. It may or may not work, but it sure smells nice and makes you feel better. :-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: trudi
DATE: 01/20/2005 07:49:01 PM
Evening primrose oil. Two capsules twice a day.
Nowdays I know my period's due when I find myself at the supermarket checkout with a large bottle of evening primrose oil capsules and a block of dark chocolate, and I can't recall how I got there.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Suzanne Church
DATE: 01/20/2005 08:32:14 AM
I know _exactly_ how you feel. Panty hose are a pain. Makeup ridiculous. And the discrimination - don't get me started!
Your stuff isn't shit and you know it (okay, well maybe I know it and you don't want to admit it).
Eat chocolate. Visit our floor. Keep at it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/20/2005 03:13:13 AM
I suggest you run screaming down the hallway with your braids sticking out like Pippi Longstocking. It'll have the twin effects of stress release, and giving the entire floor something to talk about. It's very hard to stay mad when people are giggling at you.
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TITLE: Over It (Relief Sighs Abound)
DATE: 01/21/2005 02:02:34 AM
-----
Although I hadn't slept the Despairing Miserable Lonely Wailing Mood of DOOM this morning, I was over it after an accident afternoon nap.
Don't wear my heart on my sleeve, but I do wear my mood. Few people were concerning at me, which was appreciated. I don't think I toothnailclawed too much in the crit session, but I can't tell. I wasn't as bad as I thought I was going to be, which is good, but I don't know how the people on the recieving end felt.
Went to lunch at G's wine bar, which was pretty pricey, but damn nice. Tiger prawn rissotto with leeks and spinach, mighty fine!
The afternoon was spent critting and accidently nodding off. Really didn't mean it. Resulted in a very late dinner, as I was supposed to be cooking. Pulled off the mushroom lemon chilli cream basil pasta pretty well, although there ended up not being nearly enough.
Just finished rewriting my story for next week. This story does not inspire me at all, and I'm not sure it'll do anything for anyone else. It was just an image I wanted to use. At least I have achieved my one minor goal for Clarion: I've relearned how to create and write short stories, something writing bigger projects had stolen from me. It's amazing what a deadline can do.
I think my brain is borked. Aha. Bork bork bork.
Actually, the biggest accomplishment with this story is just the fact that I wrote it. It's a very easy and simple little thing, but every sentence involved me drilling holes in my head in an effort to coax the words to come out. It was a hard hard hard hard slog, and I think the fact that I did push through will make my next two stories easier to write. Stepping stones. One standard Tessaesque story, one story that doesn't inspire me and isn't my usual fun stuff. Writer's block is all lubed up again, we're ready to go. Apart from the borked bit.
I shouldn't be wasting time posting. I should be getting more sleep.
It won't happen. I'm awake. The Tessa is a nocturnal animal. Rar.
Think I will jaunt into the city again tomorrow, and have another shot at finding a dress. Why the hell not? Er. Maybe I should try the outfit I bought with me first. Hmm. We'll see.
Someone said to me that, when it comes to writing, comliments are harder to take than criticism, and that's dead right.
Oh! That's right. Update on a submission: I'd submitted my giant crab story to Rob Hood's Daikaiju anthology, and got word back on it today. Although the story didn't make it into the anthology proper, they are interested in keeping it for a supplementary anthology to be published online.
This is great! But...wellllll...having had that story crit in the first week, I'm well aware of just how huge and horrible the flaws in it are, and I really want to rework it, because it's a story I love and I want others to love it too. However...I can't see me being able to go near it for a while after Clarion. Oh, what to do!
Go to bed, that's what to do. Crazy borked up woman.
--------
TITLE: Finger Painting Vomit
DATE: 01/22/2005 11:41:01 AM
-----
I've decided that's how I write short stories. Vomit on the page, and then fingerpaint in it.
Last night, a mad ninja jumped up and down on my feet. It was a foot massage. I survived.
There were movies and pizzas involved. I survived that too.
Was not woken up too early this morning, but was still woken up by someone running around on the roof. I just don't get that.
Haven't mentioned I saw a goanna breaking into a bin.
And, you know, that's about it.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: trudi
DATE: 01/27/2005 09:14:09 PM
Well, put in a positive light, this experience hasn't robbed you off your individuality ... unless everyone there is writing stories this way. Ewww!
I totally get running around on the roof. Would like to more often. The view is great.
-----
--------
TITLE: Balls of Fire
DATE: 01/23/2005 12:15:32 PM
-----
BODY:
Remember I ran around in a tizz looking for my one pair of fancy shoes? Left them in Canberra and had to ask Mabs to post them down. Yeah, well, fuck the fancy shoes. I'm never wearing the damn stupid fancy shoes again. What the hell was I thinking? I don't wear heels! They're tall heels! The balls of my feet are giant inflamed things of PAIN. Even after a couple of foot massages. Bah.
Yesterday totally rocked.
I went into the city and met up with the Aanimal and MoP and a bunch of Wheel of Time people that I promptly alienated by revealing my hatred for the series. Heh. Hehehe. We hung out at a Pancake Parlour rip off, and it was nice to talk to a bunch of different people, even if they did keep going on about WoT. And dutch ovens.
Nearly bought a gorgeous dress. Was even my size, but, alas, I can't pull of dark charcoal as a colour.
Toodled back just in time for the power to go out again (maintenance). And I was so looking forward to som air conditioning loving. But got myself all jazzed up (which means "not much"), and we all caught taxis into the city for the Aurealis Awards, which were being held at the QLD Conservatorium of Music. Just walking from taxi to Conservatorium saw me rip the damn shoes off and toddle along in barefeet. I have style just oozing out my nose, I swear.
Got to say hello to various people; Donna, Maxine, Kaaron, Sean Williams again, met Scott Westerfeld, our week six tutor, and his fiesty wife Justine, Stephanie Smith, senior editor of Voyager, Paul Haines (yo), Mr Duffy, and...people. Sure I talked to more, but I could be imagining this.
The award ceremony was very nicely done. We Clarionites felt like something of a rent-a-crowd, but we were paid by having all sorts of people mention us, and thus the chance to cheer for ourselves. Heh. Sean Williams won, Maxine won, and aaaaaargh! Margo Lanagan didn't just win best fantasy short story, but BEST EVER IN THE WORLD short story. And she's next week's tutor. Aaaah! Terror and fear! Had a little chat to her though, and she appears to be a completely lovely lady, although everyone says she's a devil in the crit room. We shall see.
The cocktail party was heaps of fun. Check it out: this chicka drank. Six cocktails. On her own. And I wasn't drunk, but I kept up that pleasant buzz the whole night. I have mild alcohol tolerance! w00t! There was much schmoozing and cackling to be had. Moment of the night involved Alinta, Jun, and I girding our loins. At Dr Logic. Bwaha.
I'd just like to say, that we Clarionites brush up pretty damn well. I'd have never thought it, having stared at everyone in the mornings for three weeks now.
Once the cocktail tab ran out, we took it upon ourselves to go back to the Pancake Parlour rip off, which is open 24 hours. I felt very sorry for the poor staff. Having a bunch of 30 random people turn up is probably what they fear every night. We jumped on the river ferry to get across, which was neat, and I walked the whole way there in bare feet. I must have only worn the damn shoes for an hour, but they do their damage fast. I milled around from table to table, drank a lot of water, and failed to get a headache. Go me!
Caught the taxi back home, and had party on floor one! Changed out of fancy clothes (I like looking nice, but I like being comfortable that I'm not showing too much leg more than I like looking nice), and started on the vodka and orange. Got a faaaaaaaabulous scalp massage from the Terraformer (who put dreads in my hair doing so), and really, just had a ridiculously good time. You know, the good parties are ones that there's not much to say about. They happened, they rocked.
Am feeling the fact that I went to be at five in the morning. Am not feeling hangover. Heh.
Gotta run now. Bruch with the lovely Sean is going on. I think.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/24/2005 08:54:01 AM
I am the bringer of pain! <insert diabolic laughter here>
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/23/2005 11:18:55 PM
Innocent? Bah. Young and dumb more like it.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Nathan
DATE: 01/23/2005 11:14:10 PM
Dr Logic was puzzled by the spontaneous girding display but that said, it was certainly one of the highlights of his evening!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Alinta
DATE: 01/23/2005 10:46:16 PM
May I say Tessa, you girded your loins extremely convincingly for someone so young and innocent. He.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 01/23/2005 10:22:08 PM
rock on :)
is this the pancake manor in the converted church building? nice place.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Aanimal
URL: http://weblog.juima.org
DATE: 01/23/2005 09:41:27 PM
For the record, I had nothing to do with the dutch ovens talk. It was locals who were to blame! :P
Yay! for you having a good time otherwise. :)
-----
--------
TITLE: Still Paying. Dammit.
DATE: 01/24/2005 07:11:36 PM
-----
I had a decent amount of sleep last night. Didn't really get much choice in the matter. That whole going to bed when the sun is rising thing isn't something I shall repeat. Not twice in one year, anyway. I was determined (fuck, I'm editing my bloody blog sentences to use stronger verbs now, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, CLARION!) to stay awake all day, so as not to completely root my sleep pattern, and that didn't quite happen. I had a doze just before the big group meet up, and then ended up going to bed at 10 (which is at least three hours earlier than normal.) Ah. Sleep.
Somewhat of a mistake. Methinks actually giving my body what it craves made it realise just how much sleep it really wants, which is more than I can deliver right now. Deliver? That isn't spelt right, is it? De-liver: to remove someone's liver. Deleiver...hell no. Er. Bleh.
It's quite possible my brain is dribbling out my nose.
Yesterday morning was a brunch of sort with Sean Williams, who will never ever truly escape our clutches. Weren't we a bleary bunch? Heh. There was food, but not a lot of eating that I could see. I don't think food was a great idea for most of us. The Rock God pulled out his guitar, and we all sang his smash hit Apple Sauce which I love and adore and one day it will take over the world. Thinking about it now, I don't really remember much of the brunch at all. Brain wasn't being particularly receptive, methinks.
I can see a scrub turkey out my window, strutting around in the bush. Can't get that mad tale floor one fed to the Stalker out of my head. If you make them angry, they shoot quills out of their butt at you. I can believe that. Ugly little buggers. However, chasing them results in them merely running away. There is a definite lack of artillery.
The Terraformer and the Tenderizer just vacated my room, heh. Movie night tonight!
Where the hell was I?
Yesterday. Right.
There was our group meet to touch base with the convenors and raise any issues we might have, which this week involved what goes on in the crit room. I'm of mixed reactions to what was suggested. Think I'll just stick to what I think the writer needs. (This is easy for me to say, as I don't feel that I've had a particularly bad crit yet.)
(Yeah, there was the Swanwick thing, but I'm very much over that, and still love the story.)
Dinner was prepared by floor two, to welcome Margo into the fold. It was a very subdued affair; a whole lot of zombies sitting and talking to whoever was next to them, purely because it took too much energy to get up and move around.
I attempted to write afterwards, but that just wasn't happening.
Today my total brainfartwordvomit story was up for crit. Ambivilent feelings about the story; I don't really want the others to put effort critting a story that I'm not excited about, but at the same time, I'm interested to see how stories that I don't have my heart in are greeted. This particular story got the reception I was expecting, and some points of total confusion were highlighted that need definite work, considering the story hinges on one of those points of confusion. Time, and its lack of.
Margo was wonderful. She started off by throwing us into a writing exercise, which none of us were expecting. Cards were handed out, with a sentence or two on each, and having read it, we were given a couple of minutes to write based off that. We swapped cards a couple of times, although I stayed in the garbage dump that my first card gave me. It was a fun place to be.
She said it was a great way to break free of the intensive critting and editing and over-sensitivity to how words and sentences and stories should be, and just write. Just bash it out. And now we have three story ideas to cover the next few weeks, heh. (I quite like the garbage dump, actually. I'll be going back to it.)
When it came to critting our stories she was great as well. Very critical, and very positive. Not to mention she's just a lovely, easy to talk to lady as well. We're not worthy!
Crap, I used the word 'just'. The Stalker will cross it out.
Two things I've noticed in myself and in others; many people now are struggling with the fact that they don't have any story ideas, which I just...shit, I used that word again, which I can't get my head around. In the odd position of having too many stories I want to write, and want to put in front of the group, and simply not being able to. I was considering submitting a second story this week, but took a good long look at myself, and decided not to be ridiculously stupid.
The other thing I've noticed, and this worries me more than anything else, is that I'm analysing every single thing I read. Everything. I thought I was safe bringing some non-fiction to read, but no, I'm critting that as I go as well, and it bugs the shit out of me. Poor sentence structure! It makes no sense! Your biases show! Ahhh!
It means that I'll only be able to sit back and enjoy really good writing, which is never a bad thing...but I quite like kicking back to crap as well.
Now I really should jump on this story a bit more. It's giving me trouble; the protag doesn't speak, doesn't have a voice, and a side effect of that is that I don't know what the voice of the story itself is. Bah.
So bloody tired.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/25/2005 03:14:48 PM
Alinta, that isn't reassuring. I was *sigh* critting a blood evacuation proceedure sign on the wall of the crit room today. Shonky sentence structure and 'students' shouldn't be capitalised.
Michael Swanwick was a big advocate of just keeping writing, as soon as you get home, but I'm not sure if I'll be mentally capable by then. Burning through a lot of juice.
But, eh. I'll get over it, as you say.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Alinta
DATE: 01/25/2005 02:28:05 PM
Actually Tess, I found after Clarion I could not even read a street sign without (a) frying my brain and (b) doing a critique.
I didn't want to read ANYTHING for three months, not even cereal box packets or ticket stubs or how much that divine pair of shoes cost. Certainly not "good writing", god forbid. Nada.
All I could do was (a) stare into space or (b) watch really crap TV.
Some people had this effect weakly, others much much worse.
And writing? Don't even get me started.
However, it does get better. Eventually.
-----
--------
TITLE: Better Than Nothing. Ish.
DATE: 01/25/2005 09:29:05 AM
-----
Have something of a grip on my story. It's not at all the voice or mood I want for the piece, but it will have to do for now. I was after dark and brooding, but right now it's just ambling along checking out the scenery. Not to self: never write speechless protagonist again. I'm getting over the idea of putting something that I'm not happy with in front of the group. If something's not working for me, then I definitely want their feedback, 'cause between them all they'll trigger a solution. The CS Think Tank (tm).
I think I had some mighty fine sleep last night, but I'm not sure. Still feel rather rooted. Woke up at 0530 when it decided to shit down rain, and looking out my window I can see another QLD rain band coming this way. Window shall be shut.
Only went to bed a little after midnight this time. The Terraformer made the movie offer, and I am too easy to distract. Spent time sprawled on the couch in the common room critting The Chronicles of Riddick, which despite having enormous plot/logic holes and some bad exposition, I still adore.
And I got to press random people's buttons. Ahem. Heheh.
Off I go, to clean my teefs. Today is another beautiful day!
I almost sounded convincing with that. Word!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Libbette
DATE: 01/28/2005 02:27:32 PM
Yep, I know the general area. I would imagine the public transport is decent from there...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/25/2005 03:10:51 PM
Nathan Campus of Griffith. I think that's to the south of the city?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Libbette
DATE: 01/25/2005 11:03:17 AM
Where in Brissy do they run Clarion?
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--------
TITLE: Adjusting Gears
DATE: 01/25/2005 05:00:12 PM
-----
Margo ran us through another exercise today, only this time instead of sentences, we were given pictures. I found them much harder to write from and had to grope around longer to find a concept. I've known this instinctively, I think, as a lot of my huge inventions are spin offs from throw away lines in books. Words are where I come from, perhaps because they're not static, like a picture. The writing didn't jingle my bell, but I do like the passage I created from the last picture.
The stick bird was sad.
In conception it had aspirations of being a still-life watercolour. Of being a flowing thing of gentle colours. Of being beautiful. It fell rather short of the mark.
A stick bird. Not even an attempt at real art, but an after thought, a doodle. Next to it was an oil landscape, glorious and vast and full of depth. People paused in front of the oil to ponder its meaning. No one pondered the stick bird.
Sometimes, it liked to think it was a bit like a Leunig stick bird.
It says something that I drew from the pen doodle, not the actual picture on the card.
Stories are read and half critted. Lovely, cool, and wet today, rain bands coming in from...er...the north? This little birdy will never have a sense of direction. They're pretty constant - I haven't seen the hills yet today.
The Rain Song Led Zeppelin. Appropriate.
At dawn, it isn't the birds that sing, but the insects.
Happy First Birthday to Offspring of Dr Logic.
Time to ...heh, I want to say "Time to die". But no. Time to write. Which is probably a hell of a lot harder than dying. Pfff. Bloody replicants, always taking the easy way out. Go write a novel, I say!
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Aanimal
URL: http://weblog.juima.org
DATE: 01/25/2005 07:00:14 PM
Wasn't the rain today just awesome? I got to fly out through it. Whooosh, bump, bump, bump! :)
Melbourne could do with some of the same. There's a very evil sun beating down on everyone here. *grumbles and can't believe he'd wish for some of Brissie's weather in Melbourne rather than the other way 'round*
I absolutely love the imagery of that stick bird bit, btw.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/25/2005 06:35:37 PM
Apologies. Amended.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Nathan
DATE: 01/25/2005 05:57:15 PM
On behalf of my "spawn", thank you for the birthday wishes TrapDoor. Perhaps a more elegant phrase will present itself in the future.
[Whirl of cape and disappears into an algorithm.]
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--------
TITLE: Super Cool Moth
DATE: 01/25/2005 06:52:34 PM
-----
Mabs found and took photos of the best moth I've ever seen. I'm in love with it, totally in love with it. Total cool factor.
That said, I'm as flummoxed as he is. I've no idea what it is, or even where to start looking. I'm going to use it though. My moth now. Bwaha.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Selena
DATE: 01/26/2005 11:42:41 PM
Wow, that's really cool.
And the caterpillar REALLY looks like a twig. Most camoflaged things appear like what they are once you know and look carefully, but it still just looks like a twig to me.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/26/2005 06:19:02 PM
Heather, you rock.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/26/2005 03:08:37 PM
Thanks for that, the mystery is solved! ;)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/26/2005 02:28:02 PM
It's circopetes obtusata
http://www.usyd.edu.au/macleay/larvae/geom/obtusat.html
I'm not going to take credit for working it out, though: after quite some time looking myself (fascinating beast!) I emailed the guy who runs the site.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/25/2005 08:27:14 PM
It's still there!
I have a friend! heh.
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--------
TITLE: Here on Planet Tessa
DATE: 01/27/2005 12:54:10 AM
-----
Sometimes, Planet Tessa just sucks.
It's just stress, it's just being eternally tired for what feels like a life time, and it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
And suddenly I've realised just how many extra people are fingering this site, and it occurs to me that venting my angst here is probably one of the more stupid things I could do. Great PR, as has been pointed out to me. Cut down the angst, cut down the swearing.
There's not a lot left after that.
I've slacked off so much this week. This story is big, I should be focusing on it, but my care factor has dropped off the chart and stabbed a whole in the floor. It's probably shot straight through the centre of the earth and out the other side, and is now shooting out into the depths of space.
That's great, innit.
Tired of analyzing everything I read, tired of being around people I don't know, tired of this tiny room, tired of being too proud to not hand in a story.
Fuck it. This day is over.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Nathan
DATE: 01/27/2005 08:44:56 AM
Hey TrapDoor. You're doing great. Everyone loves your stories. Now, imagine that white lotus flower in the still, shaded pool and...jump in, knees first, for maximum splash.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 01/27/2005 05:35:59 AM
*squish* everything'll be ok. there are other places you can vent that aren't quite so open to strange eyes. ;)
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--------
TITLE: Lack of ZZZs
DATE: 01/27/2005 08:54:31 AM
-----
I haven't dreamed the entire time I've been here.
I take this to mean that I've been putting so much imagination energy into my stories, there isn't anything left for my brain to play with while its asleep.
This is sad.
I haven't saved the world for a month now. No wonder my happy vibes are wilting.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 01/28/2005 01:18:44 AM
Civilisation would be a nice change. I keep dreaming Star Wars Battlefront.
Sidestep! Zoom, lead, drop 'em, dark troopers! Into cover! Track, track, they're landing, readdress and - drop 'em! BOOM! Argh, an AT-ST! Better respawn as a vanguard and hope I've got time for the launcher to get full lock...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Selena
DATE: 01/27/2005 03:15:57 PM
I've had very few dreams for a long time now. (like a couple years)
It's very sad.
I used to have lots of dreams.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 01/27/2005 12:39:02 PM
at least you're not dreaming Civilization
build road, irrigate, build road, irrigate,
build road, irrigate, build road, irrigate,
build road, irrigate, build road, irrigate,
NUKE THEM ALL!!!!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 01/27/2005 09:17:38 AM
Heather, you KNOW these floors are solid concrete, right? Sleep shouldn't cause physical damage. That's just wrong.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/27/2005 09:03:55 AM
You're?? your. That's what I get for adding a word and then forgetting to edit.
Pah.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 01/27/2005 09:03:00 AM
Nah, it's probably because you're getting less sleep, so you're body's skipping REM and going straight to deep. Or you're not waking up enough to remember your dreams. I've found falling asleep standing up is a good way to cure this. ;-)
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TITLE: Have I Slept?
DATE: 01/28/2005 04:59:05 PM
-----
Am I sleeping? This is like a slow dream that suddenly goes off in the wrong direction. No brakes on this thing.
No idea what is wrong with me. Normally, I can go to bed in a bad mood confident that I'll sleep it off and be fine in the morning. This just isn't happening here. I woke up in a worse mood. Brilliant! I'm bad enough in the mornings as it is, without stewing in my own stupid worries and anxiety and that isn't spelt right. It's almost as though I haven't actually slept. I've closed my eyes, time has skipped forward, but all the while my brain has been moving in the same circles, over and over.
The last thing I want to do, in these sorts of moods, is spend time with other people who might try an interact with me.
Walking into a classroom full of people I have to interact with, to crit, was one of the harder things I've done so far.
Even today, having got over my mood and returned Planet Tessa to its normal state of mundane twaddle, I didn't want to walk in the door. It's not just the fact that I'm sick of critting, it's that...Think I'm reaching that point, and so are other people. Tolerance is wearing down, friction is getting hotter, everyone is tired and grumpy, and they don't feel like constructive crits anymore. Feels like walking into a room full of negetivity, even if all the crits are positive.
Over-reacting, I'm sure. Always have been over-sensitive to bad vibes, and I'm surprised we all haven't succumbed earlier. Still...makes the weekend a huge relief. Won't have to go near that room for two days. Hurrah!
We hosted Margo for dinner last night, and after the bowling expedition as well, she's just sky-rocketed into being such an uber cool fun person. You have to love someone who cries at their own story when breaking it down to teach us about characterisation. She's gone now, which just makes me...you know, I find meeting new people really draining. Had to do it every week, and each time I find someone I'd like to keep, they go away. Dammit.
I still don't really have any love for my story, but I think I found a way to nail the voice. Present tense, here we come.
--------
TITLE: Was. Is, I mean.
DATE: 01/28/2005 11:39:31 PM
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BODY:
Present tense just isn't my thing. But it's the only way I have a handle on this story's voice. This voice's story. I keep slipping back into past, and while I still manage to maintain this semi-voice I've found....tense slippage is a horrible thing to read. Present tense; this story's challenge to me. Among other challenges. Like finding the damn voice in the first place. And writing a character that draws very heavily on my own experience. Usually I clam up if I think a character has too much of me in it. Probably not helping.
Four pages in and not a lot has happened. That's four pages of single spacing, by the way. I'm going to get lynched.
The Colony started on SBS. I watched a bunch of people setting the course sail, and I thought to myself, "I could do such a better job than them." Long Live White Watch!
What the crap? Why is there an insect in my tea? I just made this cup!
We snagged Margo for dinner again tonight, and accompanied her home with a whole lot of noise. Yes ha!
I was on a roll. I think I've derailed myself.
Not happy with my romans. They're not being very roman. Still know bugger all about romans, and there's no room in this story for orgies and vomitoriums and togas, which is the extent of my knowledge. (I've been told Asterix comics don't count. Hmph.)
What was Jun's term? Scattershot. My brain feels like it's been hit by scattershot. There are holes in it. Or I just have a headache. That doesn't sound nearly as dramatic.
Mother told me that my Sammy Boy snoozes on my bed in the mornings, while she's eating breakfast. My fingers are crossed that he'll still remember who I am by the time I get home. Dogs are wonderfully uncomplicated. Could really do with some dog time.
There have been lots of photos going around. I've come to the conclusion that I look like an overweight sixteen year old. Bah! I will be the only person in the history of the human race who will be happy to get some facial wrinkles. Also, I'm not very good at smiling.
I said I was an extroverted hermit. That sounds about right.
Lipton's Vanilla tea is really nice.
Yeah, I'll just shut up and get back to the story now.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Gillian
URL: http://www.gillianpolack.com
DATE: 01/29/2005 11:56:07 PM
Your mind is roamin' in the gloamin' instead of in Ancient Italy?
Why don't you email historians daft questions? Tansy Rayner Roberts knows a ton of useful stuff. I can give you all sorts of *amazing* background, too, if you are desperate. I am not a writer anymore: functional illiteracy has o'ertaken my brain. This leaves me with cultural history, this week of the culinary variety. How about a recipe to make the Roman equivalent of fish sauce - it takes the exact length of Clarion to get the full flavour and will scent the whole floor most charmingly.
Gillian (who admits she only did Roman history as an undergraduate, about when you were born)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Aanimal
URL: http://weblog.juima.org
DATE: 01/29/2005 05:09:08 PM
Why don't Asterix comics count? As far as I know, they did a really superb job in being accurate with pretty much any- and all historical details. Hell, there are lectures at more than one university devoted just to Asterix.
*thinks it's about time for Clarion to end, as he's discovering that he's carefully proofreading his comments so as to not have you be annoyed at his spelling mistakes, causing you to then be annoyed at the annoyance* :P
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: b.
URL: http://benpeek.livejournal.com
DATE: 01/29/2005 04:35:42 PM
where's the swearing? where's the angst?! where's the stories of poisoning??!!
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TITLE: Know Thy Roots
DATE: 02/01/2005 01:08:02 AM
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I am a hermit. I may be a lonely hermit that craves socialization on a regular basis, but I am a hermit.
Last week I reached my people saturation point. Probably had a lot to do with the time of month, although I think that only increased it. It would have happened anyway.
This place reminds me of high school. (There I go, editing my voice. No passive, strong verbs.) Being with a set group of people day in, day out, is bringing out a whole pile of insecurities that I'd thought I was past. Five years isn't enough. According to Mum, 40 years isn't enough either. This does not encourage me.
It's ridiculous shit. Around and around. Excuse me while I stick a network cable up my nose, to share the wonder with you.
Gosh. This is uncomfortable.
Does she like me? Does she not like me? What was that look for? Am I pretty? Am I ugly? Of course I'm unattractive, look at that butt. I'm everyone's kid sister again. Never the hot shit. Do they actually think of me as a kid? Am I being paranoid? Again? Am I intruding by sitting here? Do they want me to leave them alone? Of course. Should I be standing up for so and so? Should I say this? Should I not say that? I'm irritating, I bet. Do they think I'm weird? Yes. No. Beh-leeeeeeeeeeeargh.
And so on, and so forth, yadda yadda yadda.
My writing ego is fine. It's just my ego that's taking a bashing, and the bashing is entirely from me. Dammit.
But I'm getting over it. A bit. I've had my time locked in my room, and suffice to say, it was pretty dull. It won't hurt me not to hide from all these niggly little thoughts. Well. It will, but the alternative is being locked in my room. At least angst and paranoia keeps me busy.
I swear I'm going to live on the South Pole.
Aaaaaaanyway. Thank you to all the people who tapped me. Your concern was appreciated - I just wasn't in much of a state to show it. Someone commented that I've been running around looking after other people, but when I need help I disappear. Just the way I work. I imagine it is something ridiculous to do with pride and not being weak in front of others, because I'm just plain dumb like that.
Back to your regular viewing: went to lunch with my Uncle and his lady on Sunday. Had a nice little jaunt around Pier Nine, down by the river, and poked at a few markets. It was nice to get out and see some different faces, faces that weren't haggered and unhinged. Stinking hot day though. Lovely caesar salad with a cool river breeze.
Had our first day with Ian Irvine today. New tutor, all new adjustments to be made. We only had two stories to crit, and I think because of the lack of time constraints we all had a lot more to say about them. In depth and interesting points were raised. That said, I'm still getting too much of a class room vibe too early in the morning, and my attention span hasn't been great. Lots of staring at the carpet. Didn't even get much idea-poking done for my next story.
Stowed away with floor one when they went to crit at a cafe, which was a lovely change of scenery. I think I'll do it again, especially at that particular place which was terribly cozy.
Had an afternoon nap. This nap was planned. Waking up at a knock on the door, thinking it was the next day and I was terribly late for class, was not. That's just not a cool way to wake up, even if it isn't true. The Psychic didn't laugh at me too much.
We had Patient X up for dinner, and sent the Tenderizer down in her stead. Highlights of the dinner included giving the cook a detailed critique of it, which I'm not sure worked. First person broccoli? Yeeeah. Afterwards a bunch of us went for a walk, and I amused myself by walking people into bushes.
Soooooooooo mature.
Handed my story in this morning, and to be honest, I don't want to sit through the crit. Not because I'm too close to it, but because I'm sick of the story already. Bah! Had enough! Stupid friggin' romans! Bloody present tense! Gah damn banshee! Rar!
There aren't many stars to see here.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: damselfly
URL: http://www.junaras.com
DATE: 02/01/2005 09:00:23 AM
::hugs::
we've been worried about you. and, for your information, you totally rock. >;]
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TITLE: LotR Catapults
DATE: 02/01/2005 01:12:07 AM
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BODY:
Gakked from Harley:
Heh. I love this shit.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Heather
URL: http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/01/2005 03:48:46 PM
*snorts*
Gorgeous!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Dr. Phil
DATE: 02/01/2005 04:00:10 AM
OMG - I was laughing so hard my colleagues in the Physics Dept. probably thought I was dying or having a fit (with laser beams coming out of the eyes, no less)!
Thank you SO much for sharing this. Now I have to pass it on to some people.
*snicker*snort*giggle*smrft!
Dr. Phil
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TITLE: End o' the Month Site Stuff
DATE: 02/01/2005 01:46:56 AM
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Phew. All the added traffic from Clarion watchers has certainly made a difference. I have over three hundred more unique visitors than in December, and over 7000 extra hits. That's right. A big ol' HOLY SHEETBALLS right here.
Search strings cracked the 200 mark, whoo! Time for a break down!
:: Coming in first, with 15 individual hits, is 'tessa'. No sheet!
:: Coming in third, with 10 hits, is the incorrect spelling of 'Darth Vader', 'cept I typoed it with an 'a'.
:: Someone has been searching for 'tessadom'. That is a very me specific term. Yo. Hey. Sup.
:: A million and one varying hits of "mah spoon's too big", being that awesome internet short film titled "Rejected". For those of you looking for the video, you can find it here, at Bitter Films official website. Give the guy some love, he has talent...actually, no you can't. You can buy the DVD there, which you should.
:: weeee - yes. Indeed. Weeee. I hope you found what you were looking for, weeee searcher.
:: Again, millions of variations about Red vs Blue
:: doona sex - ...you have no idea how hard it is to clean doonas, do you?
:: diet motivation for pisces types - You're in the wrong place. Not pisces, not dieter. Eat ice cream!
:: l33t librarians - *snortgiggle*
:: wangst means - 'wangst' is a hybrid of 'wank' and 'angst', because most angst is just mental masturbation anyway.
:: best lemon tart melbourne - it's at the Yarra Glen Cafe and Shop, aka Cheese Freaks. Trust me on this.
:: buy online cigarettes australia - smoking is bad for you. Stop it.
:: brainfart - yeah, totally. Just laugh it off if it happens in public.
:: michael moorcock two penises - er. Well. I only know he's a really good writer. The rest is private. And I'm 100% sure that no where on this site is he mentioned in relation to penises.
:: definition of dark fantasy - it is fantasy, which is dark. Sorry. Minor arsehole moment there.
:: morbid writing - actually, I don't know that I can pull off morbid anymore. Puts me in a headspace I don't want to be in.
:: opinions about books - heaps of them here. See Verdicts -> books.
:: sandwich ghyro - whu?
:: kreacher trousers - don't remind me! The word 'snogging' has different connotations in different countries!
:: halo 2 cortana porn - oh stop that. She's a friggin' game character, and not only is she just a game character, she's a holographic AI. She isn't shagging anyone. Even with the whole tentacle sex inferred at the end there.
:: coughed a throat booger - thanks for sharing.
:: dictionary snog - dictionaries are not made to be snogged.
:: what sort of yeast goes in bundaberg rum - I don't know! It was a really wierd and funky name!
:: individual smelly beasts - better one smelly bugger on its own than a whole pack of them.
:: voldemort's daughter - VOLDEMORT DOES NOT HAVE A DAUGHTER.
:: ugliest fish in the world toes - fish don't have toes. I imagine a fish that had toes would be really ugly to other fish.
:: ...and a whole lot of hits for various authors and their work.
Jun was my biggest referrer this month, with over 250 links from her. Ack! Shane followed second place with 73.
I've had some people wander by from the far reaches from the earth. Most interesting nations popping up in my stats include: the Ivory Coast (hell yes!), the Bahamas, Chile, Latvia, the Russian Federation, Romania, Estonia, Turkey...and so on. This month was my biggest month for international passersby. Hey people.
And finally....most visits to my site.
1st place.............The Griffith University servers! Which isn't really that surprising. I know you're all watching. Get back to work!
2nd place............Mabs!
3rd place.............Kimpy!
WE LOVE YOU! GOOD NIGHT!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Selena
DATE: 02/02/2005 11:55:47 AM
lol
I love your end of the month stats. Makes me laugh my ass off. Yes, sadly I have so little enjoyment in my life those few little comments seem like the most hillarious things ever. heh.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/02/2005 09:34:04 AM
It's the whole high school vibe. Just have to keep reminding myself that it is very temporary. Won't miss it when it's gone.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 02/02/2005 02:53:31 AM
Aha, I understand. "Comforter" is just the generic catch-all term here. I have a nice big new squishy one, myself. :D
Talking about blankets, someone I knew a long time ago admitted to *ahem* abusing an afghan...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Shane
URL: http://sjiraiyac.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/02/2005 02:41:25 AM
I kinda suspected that, Tess, but it's makes for a much more dramatic comment the way I inferred. ;) Although Jun does deserve as much Ack as she can get.
Oh, a couple of quick things (and I have no idea why I'm doing it this way since I'm gonna be sitting in the same room with you in a few hours).
I was psuedo-serious about giant monsters (sometime, now, next week, next year?). I really have no idea, but I'm feeling a very 'Capt. Planet - with our powers combined...' vibe.
Oh, and more seriously... your last blog entry: "Am I intruding by sitting here? Do they want me to leave them alone? Of course. Should I be standing up for so and so? Should I say this? Should I not say that? I'm irritating, I bet. Do they think I'm weird? Yes. No. Beh-leeeeeeeeeeeargh."
How does ditto sound to that? Add some 'what the hell am I doing with my life' and crank up the 'do they think I'm weird?' and I'm there. Trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/02/2005 01:45:09 AM
Shane, the ack was aimed at Jun, and the phenomenal amount of references I've had from her site. As for the stats, you'll have to ask Mabs - he was the one who set them up. I just provide content.
If you can call it such.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Shane
URL: http://sjiraiyac.blogspot.com
DATE: 02/01/2005 11:44:18 PM
"Ack! Shane followed second place with 73."
Hrm... Ack, huh? And here I was thinking I'd pop on up and ask you to join me in writing the most amazingly awesome giant monster story ever to be imagined. Nay, the most amazingly awesome giant monster story that ever WILL be imagined. Oh well, it must be the boy germs.
Oh, and what's the big deal about doonas. Doesn't everyone do disgusting things on them?
BTW, where do you get such fantasmagorical stats?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 02/01/2005 08:16:52 PM
heh, yes I had those images too
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 02/01/2005 06:55:18 PM
"Doona" is like "Trampoline" or "Frisbee" or "Xerox", a brand name that turned into a generic term. It's a feather-stuffed quilt, ie a duvet or eiderdown.
It's also the name of a planet that a bunch of people colonise in an Anne McCaffrey novel, which I read when younger and which prompted these visions of colonists walking about on an enormous feather bed in their pyjamas.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 02/01/2005 02:51:55 PM
it's a very strange Australian word.
We always just called them quilts in New Zealand - even though I guess it's not entirely accurate.
Though I believe some people call them "Duvets" as well.
ahh yes, here we go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duvet
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/01/2005 01:53:49 PM
A doona is...er...a quilt, but fatter. Comforter? You know, the big thick over blanket thing.
At least, that's what I mean when I say 'doona'. I have no idea what they're talking about.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 02/01/2005 11:15:39 AM
What. the heck. is a doona? And why would anyone want to have sex with/using one?
- #3
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TITLE: Bad Miwk
DATE: 02/02/2005 09:27:01 AM
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Someone left the milk on the bench. I didn't think it'd been left out that long. It was cold when I touched it. Tummy is rebelling. Methinks I'll just leave this museli alone now.
My story was up for crit yesterday. Fake-romans, mammoths, banshees, whole lotta snow. There were a lot more logic holes in it that I thought, which shouldn't be that surprising. Still didn't nail the voice, the whole bullying thing, and Numerius's waaaaaaaaay too complex relationship, but overall most people had a good time with. Starting to suspect that's all I ever want readers to have with my stories. Me no high brow.
The one on one with Ian Irvine went well. As usual, I had nothing specific to ask, so we just had a nice long chat about novel writing and publishing and so on. He quite liked my story, which was flattering.
Posted my second box of stories home, and I'll post my third today. I'd like to extend an apology to the trees of the world. I'm not the one writing the really long stories. Don't hurt me!
Yesterday was a great big long exercise in slacking off, and it must have worked quite well because I can't entirely remember anything that happened after crit. Ah, yes, after the one on one went and read today's stories in the library with the Psychic. Am likink the air con there.
Theeeeen...methinks I invaded floor one and disrupted them. There was pong involved. Dinner was pasta with G and two of the convenors joining us, and then there was more pong. And TV. Yes, TV. (Desperate Housewives is pretty funny, although the narrator dies in the first five minutes, so the whole show is being narrated by a dead woman.) And slacking. And then returning to floor three to slack some more.
Got to bed a bit after 2. That's a fair effort in slackarsery.
I have my story outline for next week. It's largely action, which I need more practice at, but when I applied Le Swanwick Triangle, some pretty awesome dynamics made themselves known, so it'll be another exercise in intense relationships, which I definitely need more practice with. Especially fond of the monster I made. Don't know that other people will get it, but I likes it.
I really need to get more sleep.
This miwk and museli is starting to give me attitude. Methinks I'll be putting it in le Bin.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Aanimal
URL: http://weblog.juima.org
DATE: 02/02/2005 01:56:16 PM
Unrelated, and you might have seen it already, but if not, you'll probably get a kick out of it:
http://journals.aol.com/johnmscalzi/bytheway/entries/3500
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TITLE: ah...fuckberries
DATE: 02/02/2005 07:37:56 PM
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I started my afternoon nap at 1400. It just ended at 1830. Four and a half hour nap. I'm so totally fucked. Probably needed it, but shit man! Four and a half hours! Soooooooooo not going to sleep tonight!
There's a wee ickle kurrawong outside my window, singing me pretty songs. He throws his head around when he sings. Bit of a metal head. Maybe he's lost? Kind of looks like he's calling for someone. Poor baby.
Oh dude I'm so fucked.
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TITLE: So. Totally. Screwed.
DATE: 02/03/2005 04:07:11 AM
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Yeeeeeeeeeah. It's 0300 and I'm still wide awake. Stopped writing an hour ago just because...just because. I'm awake, very awake. I'm fucked! Aaaaaaaaaaah!!! I'll need to inhale caffeine tomorrow morning. Inject it between my toes or something.
Story is going slower than it should. Considering it is basically just an action piece...well, four pages have gone by, and only two pages of that was a brawl. It's very different action. Not entirely sure I'm writing it right. In fact, I'm not entirely sure I'm writing at all well anymore....but who cares!
Dinnered with floor one tonight, which turned out to be a very quiet dinner as there were only two of the floor one crew left down there. That was some mighty fine chicken though.
There's a lovely cold breeze coming through the window. I feel I should run around naked and savour it, just because I know I'll really, really, really want it when the sun comes up tomorrow. 'cept I'm not going to run around naked at 3 in the morning.
Aaaaaah. Fucked. So totally fucked. But hey! Movie time tomorrow! W00000t.
I think my story will be shrugged at, mostly. Content it lacks. I thought there was going to be an awesome relationship triangle, but it's taking way too long to happen. Meh.
Fucked.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/05/2005 12:44:17 AM
I've had some sleep, which actually made it worse. :P Trying to get to Conflux at this point.
And if you hate your writing...then you won't care about the rejection at all.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Gillian
URL: http://www.gillianpolack.com
DATE: 02/05/2005 12:32:14 AM
The $64,000 question is, has life improved since that last post? If it hasn't, I can probably buy you coffee in May if that gives you something totally life-inspiring to look forward to (if you get to Conflux, I can even buy it for you in April ).
I still need to work out which is worse, hating your writing or getting a rejection (guess which happened to me this week ). One day I will work out why I hang in there.
Gillian
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Alinta
DATE: 02/04/2005 12:21:52 PM
I recall reading that the featureless white room is a representation of the blank page/screen in front of the author. LOL
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Rju
DATE: 02/03/2005 05:29:06 PM
Hey,
I just wrote a story about a guy who sits alone in a featureless white apartment for nine months. And then made seventeen people read it. I think they'll take four pages of action any day. (:
R
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Harley
DATE: 02/03/2005 04:46:47 PM
Hi Tess. I passed on your search result to Mike. He says he used to be known as "Moorcock the Merrier."
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 02/03/2005 11:34:17 AM
There's no "just" about action scenes. I find they take more care than most.
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TITLE: This is my brain on booze
DATE: 02/05/2005 12:42:08 AM
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Not much booze. Just one Baileys Glide, which, incidently, are pretty damn tasty. Right now, I don't even have the happies. My face is just doing the lighthouse thing. Check it out, I'm looking out the window and the whole campus lights up red!
It's friday, isn't it?
So yesterday was Thursday. Actually, considering Thursday was my "Oh shit, only three hours sleep," day, I did pretty well. I was mildly alert in the crit room (which is all anyone should expect. Ever.) in fact, I was more than mildly alert. I was bloody annoying. Shoulder and hip, full speed ahead. Sorry anyone who sustained bruises. Or got overly tickled. Or drawn on. Me, so mature.
Considering we didn't have many stories, the session ended early, and a bunch of us escaped campus to go see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I will say this, Clarion South has totally fucked my ability to just enjoy something. Have to analyse absolutely every single fucking thing put in front of me. Logic flaws, info dump, lack of payoff, what the hell? It's a fluff movie! I know it's a fluff movie! Bah! Despite reaming it royally, it is a kick arse movie. Provided you know how to recognise cheese when you see it. Looks gorgeous, and so tongue in cheek. Pack full of cool shit (which is why I forgave so much) and Angelina Jolie has no right to look that good in uniform. I'll definitely be owning it when it comes out on DVD. Got my fingers crossed that they'll make another one.
Afterwards, returned to crit for half an hour, before setting out again! Ian Irvine was doing a reading at the Avid Reader Bookshop, one of the Summer of Speculative Fiction events. He's quite a good reader, and I always like having stories read to me. Or excerpts, if I can't get the full story. Bookshop in question was verra nice. Not so hot in the spec fic department, but history and non-fiction, oh my! I was very nearly a bad, bad girl. However...other people were bad for me.
After the reading we invaded a restaurant called. Er. Zoomba? Zomba? Something like that. Lovely courtyard area out the back, but not a great menu. I ended up with nothing, but if there's a next time, I'll just get dessert. Those guys know how to do a dessert, holy sheet.
While there, the bunch of them gave me Windjammers. I've been lusting after this book for a long time, but this was the first time I'd seen it on the shelf. Couldn't justify $70 on a book, especially not a great big heavy one. Went back to have another paw at it after the reading and it was gone. Figured it was totally typical that the one other person in the world desirious of the book happened to be in the store right that very instant. But no, Lily came up with the idea for everyone to pitch in and get it for me, and they did. I don't know why. I love the book dearly, it's gorgeous, and I feel nothing but guilt over it, because I haven't really done anything to deserve it. Thanks guys. <3
Got home, and decided to exert will power (I have some on occasion), and avoid socialising in favour for sleep. Sleep good.
Methinks I function far better on little sleep, because I was rooted this morning. Had a very hard time keeping my eyes open in the crit session, which was noted by a few. Instead of being sensible (this was one of those instances where will power didn't feature) and having an afternoon nap, I went for a jaunt into the city to invade a comic book shop recommended by the Rock God, a man of excellent taste. I could have been very bad there, but I wasn't. It isn't actually bad if I buy books in a series I'm half way through. Only a couple of Lone Wolf and Cub books. Cheaper than the Minotaur sell them too.
And then, what did I do? Slouched on the couches and crit, or semi-crit as I tend to do. Wrote a wee bit. Had two pieces of bread for dinner. Took over the couch in the common room and watched Dr Strangelove, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Hadn't seen that film before, and damn is it good. Had the giggles all through it. Will definitely be adding it to my collection.
Sitting here again, very carefully not writing. I loved my story in concept; birthing pains are turning me off.
While at this point in time I'm getting peopled out very easily, I'm also aware that there's only one week to go. Skirting around this idea with relief and devestation. It's the Young Endeavour all over again.
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TITLE: Salt Nose McTessa
DATE: 02/05/2005 04:43:42 PM
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Really wish we'd hit the coast earlier in the workshop. It was glorious and wonderful, and if I'd realised how fun it was, I'd have done it every weekend. Probably would have raised the mindset quite a bit. There's nothing quite as relaxing as having the ocean just bash the shit out of you for an hour or so. Fantastic big waves. Not too many people - just enough to clip and knock me under. Queensland oceans have got it all right. Not cold, not rotten with seaweed, not spikey with seashells, whole lotta love!
Not that fond of the whole sea water up the nose thing though. That's just not cool. In fact, it really hurts. It was my nose that drove me from the water, in the end. Poor nose.
After lunch we (Suzanne, Jun, the Doctor, and the Rock God) stopped by "the pie place". Yalata Pies, which despite being pretty much in the middle of nowhere off a highway, was packed to the gills. Or, not packed to the gills, giving buildings don't have gills. They had the most deadly looking caramel tarts I've ever seen.
The last two days, I've been a bit perculiar about food. I haven't wanted anything. At all. I look at something and I know that it'll taste great and I'll love it and my stomach is rumbling at me, and I just don't want it. Been running on pieces of bread, which probably won't last me much longer. Eh. It's a bit odd, as usually I like food. If it tastes good. Not wanting to eat when hungry is kinda weird. I'll be worried if it lasts through the week.
A drop in a JB HiFi to see that they did not have the Deluxe Edition of the Downward Spiral, but did have Tidal - Fiona Apple (playing now). Was good. Did not buy DVDs. Can't claim I wasn't tempted. They had Red Dwarf cheaper than I've seen anywhere else. No! Must be good.
The floor is pretty empty. A lot of people have escaped for the weekend. I've got my restlessnesses out of me. Time to write.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/05/2005 08:24:29 PM
Little girl star, you're obviously eating on my behalf as well. Could you leave some dessert for me? That'd be cool.
Just finished a big glass of apple and mango juice. It was very nice. Methinks I'm drinking on your behalf.
You'll always be italiced to me.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: star
DATE: 02/05/2005 06:53:24 PM
Tidal is all sexy, mellow and jazzy, but I gotta say I like When The Pawn more.
And you should eat, maybe it would combat MY appetite recently. As in, I eat everything. It all sounds.. eh, allright, but damn do I want 5 of it. I think it's my body being dehydrated and thus confused, thinking it's hungry, but I've been drinking an awful lot as well.
Yes. I stalk.
(You need to accept html tags here. I am lost without my italics.)
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TITLE: Durnk
DATE: 02/06/2005 12:19:41 AM
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I shouldn't have had that last shot. Whoopsie. Check it out, I'm typing and I haven't made a typo yet. Doing the whole lighthouse thing. Face hot. Fingers feeling very thick. Yessiree, shouldn't have had that last shot.
Did you know it's illegal for elephants to swim two miles out at sea?
I have fixed my story. Alas...now I have to write it. (Really shouldn't have had that last shot.) Going to try and get another page done and maybe, just maybe, get to bed a bit before midnight. Holy shit batman! BEFORE MIDNIGHT?! Where's the real Tessa? She's been fucking possessed by evil aliens! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I probably should have had something substantial for dinner, too. Something less congealed.
For some reason, shoulder chucking has turned into head pushing. I can't say I have much of an advantage to head pushing. At least with the shoulder thing, I tend to have a lower centre of gravity.
There's some mountain goat out there, that when they butt heads hard enough, their hooves fall off.
It's on the internet, must be true.
Tomorrow is Sunday. The last Sunday. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with that. I think, yes, I think I deal with it....later!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 02/06/2005 02:20:26 PM
you should make drunk posts more often! heehee.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 02/06/2005 08:45:00 AM
hehehehehehe....
heheh
hehehe
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TITLE: good idea. at the time. er.
DATE: 02/06/2005 07:44:25 AM
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See that last post? I wasn't wrong. I did get to bed right on midnight, and skulked around on the surface of sleep for a long while, due to having an awake brain and activity in the corridor. Think I might have just dipped my toes in when someone knocked on my door at 0130. Stick my head out (very dopey and sleepy head), and it's the Psychic, telling me that I'm coming out with them.
I really shouldn't make decisions when I'm doped up on sleep. They're really silly decisions.
So at 0130 in the morning, the Doctor, Rock God, Psychic and I pile into a very schmick car (the Psychic's brother's), and go rolling off into the night with some Baileys Glides and a slab of chocolate. I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. I honestly can't remember why I said yes, except that the "why the hell not?" demon gave me a kick in the arse. Who needs sleep, I ask you?
First, we went to the airport. Sort of. A little exhibition near the airport, of an old plane from the wars. Unfortunately, the voice over was stuck in japanese, so we had no idea what was being said. The shelter it was in was an acoustic wonder. Doctor was bitten by many mosquitoes, and we moved on.
Next stop was an apparently haunted house, because the Doctor needed to go to the bathroom. Lucky for her, the public toilets outside this house were being cleaned, so she was able to duck in. The poor man doing the job told us he had to clean 42 toilet spots that night, and works seven nights a week. Ai.
Ducked around behind the house to a little spot by the river, which was very nice. Massive talking bats everywhere. Sattelites.
Next stop, Kangaroo Point. I might add that by the time we got there, the Psychic had been breath tested three times. I don't know that I've ever seen cops out in such force anywhere before. Very nice view of the river and city from Kangeroo Point, especially at night when all the lights are on. More bats. Watched a man get caught and get his just desserts by the cops. Yakked.
Moved down to look at the cliffs. More bats. I swear, Brisbane is the bat lair. Had some quality yak time, till the Psychic ran out of batteries. It was dawn when he dropped us back at uni.
I tried sleeping. It didn't happen. So now I'm writing my story. I figure I'll pass out in the afternoon. Really very hungry, and have had too much alcohol on an empty stomach, but still doing the can't-be-bothered attitude towards food.
That was a totally cool night.
I think I need some juice.
Back to the grind. Story. Oh baby. Here I come.
--------
TITLE: Done
DATE: 02/07/2005 02:25:58 AM
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My week six story is finished. Complete. Done. And I am never writing another story EVER AGAIN! EVER! NEVER EVER! Until next time, that is.
Usually, I can look at one of my stories and have a pretty good idea of whether or not it works, even if I'm not sure what aspects do and don't work. Came to the end of this one, read it over, and I just don't know. Not a clue. Brain is just in shut down mode. I hope it isn't utter crap. I mean, I don't mind submitting utter crap, but only if it's short crap. This has the potential to be 6k worth of crap.
Seriously. Not going to write for a while now. The word section of my brain is kaputt.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Gillian
URL: http://www.gillianpolack.com
DATE: 02/07/2005 01:15:24 PM
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you are almost ready to start withdrawal mode.
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TITLE: Searching for Sickness?
DATE: 02/08/2005 09:28:19 AM
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I noticed over that there are suddenly quite a few search hits on my stats page of variations of "shadowsandice.com sea sick". Someone out there really wants to know about my puking my guts out for three days. My time aboard the Young Endeavour can be found here and here.
Possibly this indicates I need a search function on my site. Naaaaaah. You guys are fully capable of using your noggins.
I'm very tired. I can't say not having a story hanging over my head has lifted my shoulders yet. Probably because of the massive amount of reading I have to do today. Last night I learned how to fold dumpling skins and by the end, my dumplings didn't look half as retarded. Watched Desperate Housewives (yes, I know, I watched TV. It was funny.) and then devoured Frank Miller's Ronin. Sleepy time. Am still convinced that the more sleep I get the more screwed I am in the mornings.
Dad's in Malaysia right now, and it's Chinese New Year's Eve. W00t!
That Scott Westerfeld dude has it going on. Just so you know. I believe his words were "divide and conquer". Conquer. Conquor? Shit. Do you know how often this has happened? My word muscle is so overloaded that perfectly normal words that shouldn't trip my little toe are suddenly looking very very strange. My ability to figure out spelling is gone. Look at any word long enough and it starts to look weird.
Tummy is acting up a little. I ate a proper dinner last night - after learning how to not make mangled dumplings, I wasn't going to miss out. Very yummy. But, yeah, paid the price. Tummy not happy. Had a banana for breakfast and that'll do me fine, because tummy is again making not happy noises.
My story is up for crit today. For the first time, I'll be walking into that room with absolutely no idea of the reception my story will get. It's rather intimidating.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 02/09/2005 08:38:49 AM
Hi Tessa! Hope you enjoyed dinner last night. -- The Stalker :-)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 02/09/2005 01:46:12 AM
kung hei fat choi!
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--------
TITLE: Smells Like Burning
DATE: 02/10/2005 09:28:59 AM
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I thought it was rain. Sounded like rain. Desk wasn't getting wet though. Got up. Looked out window. Fire and smoke. Backburning going on. Took a wee while to realise this. Couldn't figure out what I was looking at. Not keen on the smoke, but watching it was cool.
Second last day. I have recapping to do, but not right now. Not that keen on sitting in front of computers if it involves words. Words is a broad term. Reading, writing, especially writing.
There's Scott Westerfeld's reading on at Avid Reader Bookstore tonight, and our grand end-of-clarion meltdown/pissup tomorrow.
There's a sneeze in my nose.
Feelings of the approaching end are mixed. Some people I really don't want to leave, but my room, my dog, my family are all calling.
Methinks they should start a Clarion South Post Traumatic Stress Debriefing Program. Just to integrate us back into the world.
--------
TITLE: Weeweewee
DATE: 02/12/2005 10:11:31 PM
-----
...all the way home. 'cept, right now, it doesn't feel like home.
Although the past couple of weeks I have been coping very welll on three hours of sleep a night, today is crash day. Emotionally draining? Check. I'll put in my Clarion South Survivor's Guide to book an early flight out. Sucks to be the last person on the floor, with empty rooms and silence all around. Hurts to have to watch everyone leave.
Fell asleep at the convenor's house. Didn't mean to. Sat on the carpet at gate 40 of the airport, trying not to cry. Sitting here now, trying not to cry.
I'm home, I have my dogs, and I'm very lonely. Think I'll give in, and sleep.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: wind
DATE: 02/13/2005 10:26:24 AM
told you so ;-)
--------
TITLE: Internal Compass Borked
DATE: 02/13/2005 06:15:23 PM
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Seventeen writers
Tore stories apart with love.
Seventeen losses.
I've had better days.
Grown rather accustomed to living under pressure. Now that I don't have a story deadline looming on the horizon, or 20k words to read and crit in one day, I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself.
I've unpacked everything, which given my usual habits is quite remarkable. Everything has been put away and my room is in a surprisingly neat and tidy state of affairs. Although, I think my dear cinderblock cellroom 304 had more space in it, if only because I have a hell of a lot more STUFF down here. I think I grew used to the clinical sparseness of my room. All the stuff that I usually find comforting is distracting me. That won't last long though.
Must have grown accustomed to the horrible desk/chair/laptop set up, because sitting in here in a good chair at a good desk with a monitor at the right height, my back is giving me one hell of a bitchfest. Typical.
Sam didn't quite know how to greet me when I got home. He and Soph came bounding up to the door, as they usually do when someone's at it, and he took one look at me and baulked. Dug his paws in and skid to a halt. Very timid in approaching. He got over it fast, but it was yet another moment of heartbreak in a whole day of heartbreak.
Feeling very lonely, and very lost, and incredibly out of place. No one here is a writer. They keep asking me questions that don't apply to the experience. I'm not sure that I want to talk about it anyway. Intense and personal. Not for sharing.
Got used to a single bed. Got lost in a queen sized bed.
Read what everyone wrote in my note book and had a very long sniffle session. Having a hard time reconciling the person they wrote about with me. Feels like they're two different people; there's this Tessa that everyone seems to love, and then there's me. It's me left with the notebook. I have no forwarding address for the other Tessa.
I'm really bad with words. Haha. There are people that I'd really like to say just how much they came to mean to me, and that Clarion South was worth it just to meet them, but I'm hopeless at that. Words pop out and they sound cheesy and insincere. I may have to think on it a while, because I think it's worth saying.
Have the very strong urge to call people up and ask them if they're feeling as borked in the head as I am. Little therapy session. Most people have lives they have to dive back into though. I got nathin.
The humidity in QLD does have its advantages. It allowed me to sit at a computer for hours on end and not having my eyes dry out. No, seriously. Sitting here now, and my eyes feel like concrete. It's not cool.
Last night, I wanted to step out of my room and have a yak, and there was no one there. That will take the most getting used to. When I want company at 2 in the morning it isn't going to be there. (Conversely, there won't be anyone around to wake me at 0130 and keep me awake till 0500, which while fun, probably isn't a real smart thing to do.) (Not that I suffered much from sleeping only three hours every night.) (Actually, I'm suffering a bit now that there's nothing to keep me going.)
Forgot how pissy the shower pressure is in this house. Gimme that tiny little cubicle any day. Trying to wash the conditioner out took way too much work.
Flipped through some of my crits, and couldn't handle it. Not yet. Brain just shut down.
I started to think a story in my head, on the plane. It has no fantastic worlds or monsters in it. I may start writing it tonight, because I've no idea what else I could do with myself.
I don't really know what I want to do with myself. (What is this character's motivation? The protag is not protaging!)
It's funny how strongly people imprint on me. At the airport, every third stranger who walked passed looked like a Clarionite.
I dreamed this morning, for the first time in a long time. It was fairly tame, set in my neighbourhood, with weapons of mass destruction that weren't particularly massive or destructive and very easy to side-step.
Very large learning experience, even if we ignore everything I learned about writing. Learned that I'm not nearly as much of a hermit as I think I am, for starters. I can get over those ridiculous highschool insecurities pretty fast. I can take constructive criticism very well, all things considered. I'm a pretty good judge of my own work. I can't stand high heels and may burn the one pair I own. My alcohol tolerance is higher than I thought (drank more in the past six weeks than I have in the last three years), but must remember that coke makes my stomach rebel something fierce. Most people aren't nearly as old as their age dictates they should be. My particular brand of quirkiness isn't always something to be stifled or ashamed of. I don't have to be one of the quiet people. Still too proud to cry in front of other people. Still too proud to ask for help. Although able to get past insecurities, still overly sensitive in letting them get to me in the first place. Still suck at making conversation. It's easier to accept what you can't have if you're wandering around firm in the belief that you never had a chance anyway. Very much not a morning person. Afternoon naps are occasionally a necessary evil. I work very well under pressure. I can be sharp, even in the mornings. I can be incredibly fucking dopey, especially in the mornings. I have couch sprawl. I suck at ping pong. People do like me.
Etc, etc, etc.
I think I'm feeling better, after this vomit-on-the-page. Sam has a face full of burrs. I've had two piece of toast the whole day. The sounds of this place are different from the sounds of Griffith. There aren't any cicaedas.
Where's the conflict? What's the choice? This story sucks.
-----
COMMENT:
AUTHOR: benzali
DATE: 02/14/2005 09:02:48 PM
You're a great person, Tess. Everything we wrote in your journal, we meant. Miss you heaps. Miss Level 3. Miss everyone.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Susan
DATE: 02/14/2005 05:18:32 PM
Sitting in an internet cafe in Byron. Spent all morning thinking 'I must start fixing my week 1 story', napped, read, lazed on the sofa... went to the beach.
Where have all my playmates gone?
Love you
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: damselfly
DATE: 02/14/2005 11:41:08 AM
"They keep asking me questions that don't apply to the experience. I'm not sure that I want to talk about it anyway. Intense and personal. Not for sharing."
I know precisely what you mean. It's driving me insane. 10pm last night and everything was tumbleweed quiet. I was wondering disconsolately through a dark house, waiting for someone to turn up with a dvd and an invitation to play ping-pong...
i miss you :hugs:
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: mabinogi
DATE: 02/13/2005 07:01:41 PM
You've always been that Tessa, even if you rarely let yourself admit it.
I know, 'cause I had the pleasure of the company of that Tessa nearly every day of four years...
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 02/13/2005 06:27:02 PM
It's me left with the notebook. I have no forwarding address for the other Tessa.
You are that person, Tessa. You hide under layers of regular Tessa, but writer Tessa is there too.
Have the very strong urge to call people up and ask them if they're feeling as borked in the head as I am.
I'm getting teary eyed reading typing this post. I am so borked. Maybe it was the 33 hours in transit. Maybe it's the quiet. But it's going to take awhile to feel normal again.
Suzanne
-----
--------
TITLE: Finding North
DATE: 02/14/2005 10:29:47 PM
-----
How quickly we fall back into place.
No, that's not true. Tomorrow will be the hardest, with no one else home. It's easy to get distracted with other people around. But, say, right now, with everyone gone to bed, and I'm left sitting here thinking myself in circles, desperating wanting to go drop in on another floor where people might be up - not happening.
It's kind of sad that I'm sitting here, waiting for any email/blog update. Considered reading, but...ugh. Not yet. Toyed with writing a bit, but nothing strenuous. Succumbed to TV (the Rock God's fault), Desperate Housewives continues to be a pretty damn well written show. I eyed Lost as everyone rants and raves about it, but....neeeh. Bit below par.
I'd left all my handwritten stuff in Mum's care. Unfortunately, most of my novels are longhand. No backups. I told her, should the house burn down, she MUST REMEMBER TO TAKE THIS BAG WITH HER. Apparently this actually stressed her out, because the first thing she did when I got home was hand it all back to me. At least the house didn't burn down.
Dropped by the store to let them know I'm back in town. They're all still there, unsurprisingly. The store is in one piece.
Why does my little finger hurt?
Tonight, I think, I'll reread the last bit of my novel, and start on it. There's an emptiness in my head that isn't just losing all my Clarion buddies. Think the ol' noggin has been pretty well programmed to churn out word count each week, and it's getting antsy. This is probably a good thing, but feels very, very very wrong. At least it'll take up some room in my head. Lots of thoughts rattling around in there. Dun do me any good to dwell.
There's too much spam in the world.
Strangely enough, even with my fairly wide spread of music, I don't have anything that remotely fits my mood at the moment. Bit suckitude. And right now, I don't even have a spare $15 to spend on a CD. Pffft.
Stamp it down, stamp it down.
Leveling out. That's all.
Valentine's Day today. Ventured into a shopping centre. Weren't nearly as many tackinesses around as there usually is. People do improve with time.
It was supposed to be hot today. Ha. Dry heat. Melbourne cannot compare to Brisbane. I have acclimatized. Not even in a sweat at the moment.
I should go get Sam in. He likes hiding behind the pile of garden clippings down the back, where I can't get him. Silly boy.
Autopilot.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 02/15/2005 08:37:08 PM
It's only seventy thousand words, you wuss. I'm the one who has to write the damn thing.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/15/2005 08:03:35 PM
Works for me. (What have I got myself into?!)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 02/15/2005 07:58:33 PM
Well, this one isn't a Calpurnia book so it doesn't depend on you knowing what happened in Legacy. Gimme a week or so and I'll send it to you. Is RTF okay?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tess
DATE: 02/15/2005 07:11:26 PM
Eeee. That sucks, Trudi. Thankfully, my dog is and always will be a little loveslut. I could have been Jack the Ripper and he'd love me.
Matthew, part of my brain screamed at the thought of beta-reading, but I'm game. Stupidly enough. Must admit I haven't read Legacy yet.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Sikkukkut
DATE: 02/15/2005 06:23:26 PM
Well, this is a Tuesday-afternoon barrel'o'laughs, isn't it? Tess, if you need a project I may well need beta-readers for Junktion in a week or so, if that interests you at all. I shall expect a degree of highly-trained editorial shredding far above what I get from others :)
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: trudi
DATE: 02/15/2005 01:34:18 PM
I think I may have glimped a few hours of what you're feeling after leaving Varuna. There was sadness, there was validation, there were new friends and a hellavalot of work under my belt and I wondered how I'd function outside that place. I wish I could tell you how long it takes to pass, but I never found out. You see, the moment I stepped off the plane I knew I wasn't coming back to my old life. At first I thought my partner hadn't made it to the airport. Then I saw him sitting in a chair across the room, reading. He only looked up when I walked up to him. I got the coldest of welcomes and I knew it was over.
But I had an interested publisher, so I had to knuckle down and rewrite a book in six weeks, while breaking up with someone I'd been with for 12-13 years. I was too busy working and feeling crap to reflect much on my time at Varuna. I wish I'd had that time. All the wonderfulness of it was spoiled by how f*cked up life became.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Jaime
DATE: 02/15/2005 11:24:27 AM
I understand a part of what you're going through; in the three years that I completed Nanowrimo, I found myself antsy and at a loss for *something* for three or four days after I was done. Suddenly there wasn't a deadline looming over my head anymore, and I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. You'll settle back down into old routines soon enough, though.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Harley
DATE: 02/15/2005 06:25:03 AM
"Why does my little finger hurt?"
Because you're Santa Claus.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR:
DATE: 02/15/2005 01:52:37 AM
Feeling a bit better today, though I'm sure it won't last. Spent most of the night staring at the ceiling - jet lag is a bitch.
I'm going to run on my treadmill this morning. I need to remind my body it's morning, not nighttime.
We had freezing rain here today. Very, very slippery. You can only take baby steps or you fall down. That's how I'm coping. Baby steps.
Miss you!
Suzanne
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