Monday, February 04, 2008

WOT I DID ON MY WEEKEND, by Sir Tessa (age 26)

First, there was the hussying up, 'cause when going to a Rufus Wainwright concert, it is necessary to look hot. Deb actually looks hot all the time, so this wasn't an issue for her. I, on the other hand, had to sacrifice three fluffy white rabbits to the Gods of Hott Smex before I got my groove on. This did not impress Deb, as she had to clean up sacrificed rabbits. Clearly I could not, that would ruin the whole hottness I'd just acquired. Rabbit blood just doesn't go with my mojo.

Second, there was a whole lot of fabulous music, sparkly things, somersaults, and cross dressing.

Third, despite hotness, Rufus did not love us.

Fourth, we have discovered my other special mutant power - the ability to make any animal turn its back as soon as I am in the area. I shit you not. I just had to touch my camera to make even the damn pigeons turn and present butt. The tree kangaroo presented butt. The bear presented butt. The elephant presented butt. Even the snakes presented butt and they don't have butt. The gorilla presented incredible butt. I am a class five mutant. They will not let me join the X-men. Fuckers.

Fifth, the appearance of one Andy (who is tall, (wears) dark (clothes), and handsome), some cute Lolita girl who should have been in Tokyo, and a whole lot of sunburn.

Sixth, some rather intimidating pimpage which broke my site stats, and is lies and slander. I am not surprising. I say the same things over and over, such as "I can't sleep," and "oh I hate myself what a world what a world," and "I can't sleep," and "dude seriously dude wtf" and that oldie but goldie, "I can't sleep," followed shortly by, "I can't sleep." I also frequently ask for a pony. The internet has not provided me with a pony. It's possible I have used my one "ask and ye shall receive!" card on an angry penguin army. Regardless, I find being watched by so many people at quite alarming, so behold! I am crafty and cunning, and shall distract you with an ADORABLE



  1. ....and I just made my own blogger dashboard too fat with all the use of butt, porn and smex, and the bloody weighted phrase limit will not allow me to edit anything.


  2. Anonymous4/2/08 08:24

    well thats got to be a bother.

    my soloution burn it.
    burn everything.
    and if that doesn't help give me $20 because i think you might be the person to give me $20 just for asking

  3. Colin, I do believe you have me confused with some other, nicer, person.

  4. Anonymous5/2/08 04:58

    I don't think so.

    you make the ausmption that it was about niceness.

    it'd more about duity.

    the duity i have to my wallet to keep it fat with cash.
    and your duity to keep e in money.

    and if that doesn't work for you remeber this.

    I said GIMME

  5. I'm a contrary fucker, so I must inform you that the answer is 'no'.

  6. Anonymous6/2/08 01:20

    "The gorilla presented incredible butt. I am a class five mutant. They will not let me join the X-men. Fuckers."

    If I was an X-Man, I wouldn't let you join either. Imagine if your power worked on other mutants. Would you want to fight The Blob if all you could see was his butt?



  7. yes, but imagine how useful i'd be on the combat field if my mere presence made all opponents turn around?

  8. Anonymous7/2/08 05:54

    The trouble is that everyone would turn around. I use the word trouble loosely - if you're into inter-mutant peace it might be just the thing. Personally I make so much many repairing all the property damage that I'm considering preemptive kidnapping.

  9. I imagine you'd have to train a squad of operatives who specialise in doing everything behind their backs.