Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Quote Captain Badass

On the few shifts I have that fall in the realm of normal, sane, everyday business hours, I tend to make an effort when dressing. It's in keeping with my usual dress code, which is less about comfort and more about blending in. The only way to blend into the crowd on the 23:08 train from Spencer Street is to look like a scruffy bum.

And the only way to blend into the crowd on the 18:05 train from Spencer Street is to look like an office worker.

Most of the time, exercising extra care in my appearance makes me feel like shit. I'm certain absolutely everyone can see through me at first glance, and are thus able to turn up their noses and snort, because daaaamn I'm a lousy poser.

I've never quite managed to achieve pretty, but thanks to my boots, I've been hitting badass quite regularly.

These boots, you see, I love these boots. They're the bestest, most badass boots in the whole world. They are not, as people are wont to say, made for walking in, oh no. These boots are made for standing on podiums and observing military parades, these boots are made for sitting in rolls royces, these boots are made for commanding the invasion of a foreign country in. Combined with the bestest coat in the world, their powers combine and I become Captain Badass, Your Slick As All Fuck Overlord. Ave moi, bitchez.

Which is pretty interesting. The idea that someone might pay attention to me is pathetically devastating, but I'm more than happy for people to pay attention to my boots. I've heard people talk about getting facial piercing and tattoos for precisely that reason, so that others look at and talk to the body art, not the person.

Still, Captain Badass is not a permanent diversion. Captain Badass does get attention, and while it's amusing every now and then, Tessa is better at being invisible. Even Captain Badass is just a poser, and every poser is seen through eventually. Probably right in the middle of a hostile invasion.


  1. I <3 the boots but I'd rather talk to the person, myself. :P

    For joo:

  2. I want boots like that to replace my dress-for-comfort-but-look-like-a-dipstick shoes. I have less an arse-kickin conquer look than an 11am, I-need-coffee-and-cigarettes slipper look.

    At the risk of sounding like a 'bloke', I might dispute you not having achieved pretty.

  3. Anonymous11/9/08 01:17

    That double-breasted camel-coloured coat you wear is badass. Your scowl is also badass. If it's a pose, just think of all those caterpillars with fake scary heads.

    And, actually, you're pretty. Not that it matters when you're inspecting the troops.

  4. Anonymous11/9/08 05:54

    See, now I want to see a picture of the boots!!!

    I have Shiny boots from Veganwares in Melbourne, now. (I ordered them the last time I was down there.)

    They are knee length black fake-leather, zip-up.

    I adore them muchly - I've been craving them since 2003.

  5. That is indeed the badass coat. Bad. Ass.

    This isn't really about looking pretty. Methinks that, apart from the basic act of putting on better than normal clothes, whether or not I look pretty isn't up to me at all, it's everyone else who decides whether or not they think I'm pretty (and thank ye kindly, heh).

    Feeling pretty, though, is entirely up to me. The right comment from the right person might make me feel pretty, but on the whole that's an internal decision, and one that never ever occurs in the favour of 'pretty', for a variety of very unoriginal reasons.

    I'm not sure how to take a photo of my boots on my own - they don't stand up alone.

  6. Anonymous11/9/08 22:42

    They might stand up if you stuff them with balls of scrunched-up newspaper.