Saturday, August 09, 2008

Bratturd Suppression

My toes are actually interdimensional portals, through which come the dried up turds of constipated Elder Gods which are so frozen by the interstellar gulf they're invincible, and these then make up my toenails. When Sauron was chillin' in his tower, wondering how to most effectively terrorise the armies of Gondor, one of his henchies suggested throwing my toenails over the walls. Even Sauron said no, hey man, that's taking it a bit far. We'll just stick to decapitated heads.

So, for those of you not quick on the uptake, they're a right bugger to trim. It's a major undertaking. I was going to take the TMI I started in the previous post a step further, and inflict a photo of my frozenElderGodturd toenail cuttings upon ye all, because I'm a jerk like that.

But that's probably the reason why my sex life is the square root of minus one, and I've chosen to be merciful and not inflict my frozenElderGodturd toenails upon you. Am I not merciful? Someone pat me on the head.

(Actually, I really didn't want to zoom in. WHO KNOWS WHAT MYSTERIES LURK BENEATH MY TOENAILS? FHTAGN!)


  1. Anonymous9/8/08 12:46

    *starts patting you on the head, and resolves to keep patting until you start purring or will bite my hand off, whichever occurs first*

    (Cause y'know, requests from the Tess when she is being merciful are not to be trifled with. (I'm somewhat glad that were no requests in the previous post, for requests from a non-merciful Tess... well, I'm not certain I want to go there.))

  2. You know, a non-merciful Tess probably requests the exactly the same things as a merciful Tess would; icecream, ponies, etc.