Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Submarineasaurus Protocol


(And I do mean that; friends. Friends I have, friends with which I wish to turn our giggling creek into a deep and endless ocean, friends I have not made yet. The friends I choose.)



Health issues have deteriorated so quickly I've been unable to manage my psychological
reaction? balance?
my psychologicals. All of them. I'm not coping.
And this spills out into my flat voice, flat eyes, weak smiles and flaking on too many social funtimes. In the past week, four and a half pikings at very short notice, three of which involved me hiding in a toilet cubicle trying to reteach myself how to cry without making a sound.
I'm sorry, but right now I can't be a good friend. Please invite me still, ask me still, and I'm sorry, do so keeping in mind that I am unreliable. I'm in deep dark waters. The signal strength is weak here.

For now I'll also try to cut down on social media. In this delicate state I'm desperate for golden moments, feelings, distractions, and I've caught myself too often in the past few days both indulging in petty jealousy of a completely irrational and irrelevant manner, and laying out bear traps of self-pity in an attempt to win attention. Fuck that shit.

I'm sorry.


  1. It doesn't matter how many times you say no, or mysteriously disappear during an evening, I'm never going to stop asking.

  2. I think the most prevalent part of this post is the beginning: 'friends'.

    Sometimes there is no need for words. You don't ever need to explain, or justify, to us.

    We want to help you shine light on the darkness but also know that sometimes, you just need to find the light yourself.

    But we will be with you, holding your hand the whole time, guiding and navigating until you find that sunshine again.

    Don't ever feel bad for tripping or stumbling along the way, we will always be here to pick you up, dust you off, make you giggle and help you continue on your journey.

    We're here whenever you need, lovely