Aural Transport

The table is tiny, an old sewing table still with wheel and pedals so I cannot get my legs beneath. The restaurant, 'U dwau Maryí', has only the one patron.

These windows look on the Vltava as it wends through old town Cesky Krumlov. Dark. Freezing. Raining.

This particular peace, breadth of river, infinite rush of water, throws me back to Nikko in Japan, a mere day after the typhoon, lying on the tatami mats and listening to a different breadth of river, a different endless rush of water.

And yet, the same.

Vltava by sirtessa

Caving! In ancient lava tunnels! Holy Magma!

Summary!

1. I am tired.
2. It was dark.
3. I am tired.
4. Ice is insane.
5. I am tired.

In addition, a sound clip I took while alone. That manic hiss is simply my poor old iPhone, unable to process the quiet.

1350m long lava tunnel, the sound of rain underground. by sirtessa

This isn't so much a self-portrait, as that term implies some sense of purpose, a point to that particular portrayal. This is one of those CHECK THIS OUT photos. My hair isn't wet. That's purely sweat.

Ólafur Arnalds - Live in the Lobby

As part of Live in the Lobby, a series of free concerts hosted by the Reykjavik Downtown Hostel, Ólafur Arnalds played a neat little set, and BY JOVE, WAS I EVER IN ATTENDANCE.

Setting up for Live In the Lobby in Reykjavik. by sirtessa

Accompanying him was a string quartet, and unfortunately none of my photographs of them are worth sharing. Tragedy, as they were glorious, and there really is nothing that can be compared to listening to stringed instruments being played live and perfectly.

In the music I could hear the landscape I beheld yesterday. I could hear the supreme absence of trees, bushes, shrub and growth, I could hear a land in which a note will never die, the wind will carry it on and on over the snow dunes and gracefully languid hills, with nothing to break it, and perhaps nothing to hear it.

They are scores that are stripped down to the bone, so reflecting that vast emptiness of the tundra. Perhaps Iceland could be captured by a full symphonic orchestra, but...that, to me, feels like too much. Too crowded. Too many voices, in a land that is voiced by only a few. Great voices, such as the sea, the endless wind, and grumbling volcanoes, great, but few. Not necessarily lonely, but lonesome none the less.

Having not seen Iceland in summer, I have to wonder how it would present itself in music.

Sublime; then disintegration. #liveinthelobby #olafurarnalds by sirtessa

An outsider's impression. I am projecting into the music.

I would have gladly payed for tonight's concert. Arnalds's music can be found at Erased Tapes (site down at time of writing) and BoomKat. If any of you have been curious as to my type of music, this is a prime example of what has been speaking to my heart of late. Should any of you be in town, he and the string quartet will be playing another concert at Harpa on the 17th.

Takk.

The G Line, Metropolitan Ave

I sat on a wooden bench opposite, jotting things in my note book while these two fresh-faced and earnest young men began busking on the platform opposite. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am-

Metropolitan Ave, the G line by sirtessa

you are angels and drunks, you are magi

First Pristiq tablet yesterday at 0840 hours. No immediate effects noticed. MASSIVE NIGHT SWEAT.

Second Pristiq tablet today at 0840 hours. No immediate effects noticed until I realised I was chipper to the point of manic. Those of you on twitter copped the brunt of it. Below is the gist of my tweeting for the day, and by 'gist' I mean 'everything but the yes/no @ replies'. It's very shouty. (Start at the bottom and work your way up. It's a pain I know.)

• Extra points if the lie involves lemon meringue pie.
• Yeah, I'm clocked off, but you can still sit on my lap and have your ear licked. Just tell me a lie and make me believe it.
• Our hero enters the train mid-flight, the doors closing in on her, and squealing like a stuck schoolgirl piglet. #stylin'
• Now; lion hunting.
• Oh thank fuck I can stop being so loudly awesome. Was giving myself a headache.
• HOME TIME HOME TIME THIS IS YOUR CASE WORKER AT THE MINISTRY OF LOVE, SIGNING OFF. SNOGS AND PAWINGS, MY FREAKY DARLINGS, SNOGS AND PAWINGS.
• @battledinosaur SWEET LITTLE PEACHASAURUS YOU ARE WALKING CUTENESS EVEN IN YOUR SLEEP
• @ZacDavies NAH MATE I JUST REALLY LOVE TEA CHEERS MATE
• I WOULD LOVE A THIRD CUP OF TEA. LOVE ONE. LOVE IT. SWALLOW THAT FUCKER WHOLE. PHWOAR.
• @trickyidnego YOU LEARN WELL, GRASSHOPPER. HAVE SOME ROSES.
• @tyronotron @emlypie MAY THE LOVIN' BE IN YOU.
• DOES THIS SMELL LIKE CHEAP ROMANCE TO YOU?
• I WANT YOU TO WANT ME TO LOVE YOU. SO I CAN SPURN YOU. SCHOOL OF LIFE, CLASS IS IN.
• @emlypie @tyronotron SING IT BACK BRING IT BACK SING IT BACK TO MEEEEEE
• @emlypie WELL I LOVE HER ANYWAY. SHE GAVE ME A BISCUIT.
• @idreamofcodeine AND BY THROW YOU MEAN HURL IN THEIR FACE. AWWW. YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. C'MERE YOU SACK OF SUGAR.
• HEY @emlypie I'M GONNA STAND OUTSIDE @tyronotron's DOOR I KNOW HE'S HOME.
• @emlypie WELL DAYUM WOMAN YOU SHOODA CALLED AHEAD YOUR MUM IS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY I THINK SHE JUDGES MY LOVE
• @ZacDavies MORON 1+4 LAWL
• I'M GOING TO WALK 100 MILES TO STAND OUTSIDE @emlypie's DOOR, WHICH ISN'T CREEPY AT ALL.
• @ZacDavies NO REALLY. THAT SHIT IS BANANAS.
• 4 hours ago
• I'M FROM THE MINISTRY OF LOVE, I'M HERE TO HELP. YOU WILL BE LOVED. LIKE A MAROON5 SONG. NO I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE MAROON5. FFS.
• @Marxamus @simonnix IF I DO IT REALITY DISTORTS AND IT DOES NOT SUCK
• @simonnix BA-DUM-CHING
• THE LACK OF FLOWERS YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME HAS NOT GONE UNNOTICED.
• I think when she's drinking she's drowning some riot, what is my friend trying to hide...
• @tyronotron TALK TO YOUR ANCESTORS, THEY'RE THE ONES WHO EVOLVED EARS.
• @simonnix FUNNY IS PROBABLY GOING TO FILE A SEXUAL HARASSMENT CLAIM.
• RT @charlesatan: @sirtessa I FIGURED EVERYTHING WOULD STILL BE IN ALL CAPS IF YOU WERE SPEAKING IN REAL LIFE
• ALTHOUGH I WAS INDEED YELLING AT YOU BEFORE BECAUSE YOU ARE A JERK. BRING ME A CUP OF TEA AND I SHALL CONSIDER YOUR PARDON.
• IT IS NOT ALLCAPS, IT IS MY AWESOMNIC FIELD DISTORTING REALITY.
• [cries, rides off into the sunset.]
• SURE, TAKE MY LOVE, BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW I DON'T LIKE YOU, NEVER LIKED YOU, YOU'RE A JERK.
• NO REALLY THAT IS JUST FINE.
• WHATEVER.
• FINE. JUST FINE.
• I'LL LOVE YOU IF I WANT YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID
• You dispute my love? What are you saying, that I have bad taste in love? Who the fuck are you to tell me who to love?
• [The previous tweet true for a limited time only.]
• I love you, and am prepared to go to war if you refuse this love. Think carefully. I have elephants, triceratops and velociraptorbearsharks
• @PoppyGallico you are ahead of me, and clearly branched off into an alternate universe in which lunch was uh maze ink.
• Those of you in lagging time zones, here's a heads up: your lunch for Thursday is pretty bland. #youarewelcome
• I DUB @tyronotron THE NEXT STAGE OF HUMAN EVOLUTION.
• @Jazpuh_ special clauses and amendments for you, milady.
• 7 hours ago
• @Genghis_Dong I like to play benevolent dictator now and then.
• SEE I DON'T SUCK RT @idreamofcodeine: @sirtessa you're adorable...your existence on my twitter feed brightens my day :)
• @tyronotron I ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE YOU REQUIRE NOTHING ELSE IN LIFE
• @hannahrochelle I am not. Everyone else is irrelevant.
• I have risen from my morose depths and lo the sun doth hide its face because verily I am a badass muthafucka like that. #sorrymelbourne
• @hannahrochelle BOYS BOYS HAVE ALL THE FUN WE SAW @allyouzombies WITH HIS PANTS UNDONE
• @jamesgorman the city sirens are BLARING IN MAH EARS
• PHRASE REPETITION. SEPPUKU YOU FILTHY WORD ABUSER.
• Right now @purrsikat & @_twertle are the most adorable things in my world right now. Dare you to usurp them.
• Mirrorball is an appropriate soundtrack for burning buildings and toasting souls.
• Spirals down 11 flights with the music up to awesome.
• Of course they call a fire evacuation drill as I'm evacuating my bladder.
• @nosubstance headbop sidestep blinky-blink headbop sidestep blinky-blink
• @Genghis_Dong blink
• @nosubstance blinky-blink headbop headbop headbop HUGE STARING EYES GLARE GLARE GLARE STOP hammer time
• blinky-blink turn head all the way around squint blinky-blink-blink
• i feel owlish. Like, i'm doing that suspicious blinky-blink thing owls do.
• Dear friends; you are angels and drunks, you are magi...
• Bayonets and banana bread; let me share the glorious death of this day with you, over and over, we rise as kings and rest as usurpers.
• @hannahrochelle congratulations on leveling up, minihannah!
• Is the abseiling window-washer harassing the seagulls, or are they harassing him? (Would love to have that job.)
• Last night my body attempted to commit suicide via massive dehydration. #nightsweat

On the train ride home I switched from twitter to texts, and sent a lot of shouty texts to people who would not get in trouble or freak out to be the recipient of shouty amorous texts.

High as my yellow diamond kite with blue and green streamers. Cheery and directionless and useful as a marshmallow. I meant everything I said. I mean everything I say.

This message is for you II by sirtessa

I don't care if this is an artificially and medically induced high. It is here, and I must use and abuse the shit out of it while it is. I will suck it dry and leave myself empty and hollow, because when it leaves - and it is leaving - I will not be able to say any of these things with the fierceness they deserve.

You are magnificent. Be flawed and make magic.

I apologise for none of this.

perfect weather to fly

There are only two things in the world that can heal me, comfort clean rejuvenate revitalise remind me; mountains and music.

Much money and time has gone into taking myself to mountains - the Andes! the Himalayas! - and it is effort enough that it only happens maybe once a year if I am particularly studious. Music is much more obliging. There's just some special power these two things...these ideas have, the power to erase an identity while maintaining an awareness. The power to make you so irrelevant and insignificant that you are free.



But it must be live, and it must be loud. I couldn't breathe because the music filled my lungs and there was no room for blood with the music roaring in my veins and there was no space for me-

And I am free.

This is. You see. The medication.
The medication is a thief. Perhaps it took the edge off the hurt, but it took the altitude from the highs as well. Take me away from me and I am a roaring fireball of joy. So often I am stormy seas, I am the howling heart, I am fury - the medication does not take that. And I can howl from delight just as loudly, the earthquake is from glee, the satellites buzz my ear I am so high so exhilarated so glorious.

It takes important things. They are all important things. It has stolen what this blog post was going to be about.

Of course I cry anonymous and alone in a crowd. The music demands nothing less than to pay fealty to its majesty. But I also cried from grief, as even as I was giddy with love, I knew this couldn't last. This magnificence is like smoke; you inhale and it is everything, and then, you exhale, and it is gone.

This message is for you. by sirtessa

I wanted to say to you, that, right now I am a superhero. I love you strangers known and unknown, and could heal all your heartsores by just looking at you, because I'm radiation, you can't see feel taste touch hear the wonder and I can't contain it, it's bleeding from me and into you and loosening your fears. All I need do is hook my littler finger around your thumb and you'll be up here with me, among the satellites. Tonight is beautiful, and tomorrow will be too.

I wanted to say that, while it was true.


But I have exhaled.









And it is not.

The Cacophony of Extended Family

Mynahs raising the roof. by sirtessa

everything is cold

Rain cannot fill the empty hours. by sirtessa

The kite must be released soon.

Monday evening and the air hastens hence. by sirtessa

Evening, my train station, ambient noise

The birds haven't seen each other for hours and there is so much to tell. by sirtessa