Friday, October 29, 2010

Today is Not My Birthday

Being as it's broad daylight and office hours, recreating the Flaming Lamington Fortress of 2007 that started this whole Not Birthday affair would not appear to be a pragmatic move.

Sticking a soldier upside down in a banana-choc-chip muffin is, I believe, an appropriate alternative. Creatures of war, as said the King of Mars.

Being a largely international flock of readers, providing you with cake would be logistically unfeasible, so instead I give you this short film. It says with calm and quiet a great many things about which I am not calm and not quiet. It resonates strong enough to be entirely intangible.

Peace of mind is for peaceful minds, as said the King of Mars.

Thirteen years. Last year I forgot this date. It's some small, sad, insignificant failure that I didn't manage to do so this year. Some things you don't get to move on from. They define you, and you carry them around for the rest of your life, like a forgotten stick of chewing gum lost in the bottom of your bag, old and well past its use by date, and sticking with you forever.

I often consider what I'd say to the ghost of this sixteen year old Tessa that won't let me go (or that I will not let go). Were I to sit on the ground next to her on that station platform on this day all those years ago, knowing what the next few hours hold, and then, knowing what the next thirteen years will bring, knowing all this, there must be something to justify us.

Hey. It's okay. We came true.

And she'd look at me, that dead fish in a dead pan lack of reaction face I haven't been able to discard. She wouldn't even given me a mouth twitch.

Because she is me and I am her, and we both know there's no comfort in that at all.