Thursday, May 12, 2011

Plans only last until contact with-

It can now be revealed that last weekend and operation was conducted that saw the covert invasion of Canberra for the purposes of attending Gillian's 50th birthday party. This operation was successful. Copious amounts of fairy bread were neutralised.

This operation could not have been carried out without the assistance of a third party, who shall go unnamed at this point in time, especially given what happened after the party, which I shall now recount.

At the entrance to his base we stood in the dark, he with the key in the door and I freezing my non-existent nuts off, when a "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" rang out in the night. My accomplice half-turned to me, as if unsure about drawing my attention to the sound, or unsure if I was the one who had made it, as I said, "Did you just hear a sheep?"

My accomplice opened the door, and said to the [redacted] standing in the hall, "What have you done?"

Before he could finish this question, a second very definite "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shook the house, and a third, and we proceeded straight to the kitchen and observed the following;

One (1) new-born lamb in a cardboard box lined with newspaper.

A lamb. Definitely.


This lamb had been born only hours before hand. Unfortunately the act of giving birth inflicted a prolapsed uterus upon the mother, who had to be put down. The [reeeeedaaaaaaacted] were already running late, and could not leave the lamb unguarded or the eagles would get it. The crows too, apparently crows are all for stealing bebelamb's eyes. In light of this, they took the only course of action available to them and took the lamb with them. In an esky on t he back seat.

It was crusted with blood and placenta still, and "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"ing incessantly.

Being the big strong unmeltable person I am, I immediately went to the bebelamb and proceeded to coo and whisper and pat it furiously. All it wanted was contact. Put a hand to his head and he became quiet and calm.

The legs amazed me. So ridiculously knobby, so many joints cannot be practical. [redacted] lifted and set him down on his feet, and those knobby legs shook like crazy, the look on his face nothing short of a terrified "OMG GUYS, GUYS OMG, THIS IS HIGH UP, LIKE, REALLY HIGH UP."

Then he peed. Aww. Bebelambie's first wee!

A mixture of milk and sugar was concocted, and once it was warm enough fed to the bebelambie from a bottle with a massive teat. Bebelambie loved the shit out of that, gobbled it all right up. And his tail went SPASTIC with joy. I have never seen such a happy tail!

Sadly, bebelambie did not shut up. Thankfully, bebelambie slept at the other end of the house.

In the morning, there was no sign of the bebelambie.

Chops for breakfast?


  1. I think my birthday was offically overwhelmed by cuteness. Unless you ate those chops?

    I'm still smiling in a silly fashion about you turning up out of nowhere and I keep thinking "Why didn't I grab her for dinner? Or for morning tea?" (I'm slow at the unexpected - but it was *such* a cool surpise!)

  2. I have thought about the lamb all weekend. So sweet! A lamb at a party! I want a lamb at a party. (I am sorry about its mother dying, truly.) AWWW.