Saturday, March 28, 2009

NINETEEN SECONDS TO COMPLY

I've decided to grow a beard.



Here is photographic evidence of my progress. This is one day of growth. I'm new at this, so I still have a lot to learn about growing beards. It may take a while before I get the hang of it. Hopefully I will get better at growing beards faster.

Also, there are now cyborg whales involved in the battle for the copy of WEIRD TALES locked in a sunken russian nuclear submarine. And appropriate defenses cropping up against them. You have 20 hours to take out the trained squid, haxxors, and cyborg whales and make a copy of this Most Fucking OARSUM magazine yours.

9 comments:

  1. Right, that's it. That's the last time I let you start doing anything before I check you've eaten more than a handful of grapes and a cup of tea. You've clearly broken your brain yesterday. (Good luck with the beard.)

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  2. if you will permit me a few observations from my own beard-growing experience:

    1. i have noticed that as the hair retreats from my scalp, it has taken up residence in abundance in other regions, including my face. perhaps if you were to shave a widow's peak and bald spot into your head, it would encourage the hair to grow on your chin.

    2. paradoxically, the more you shave your beard, the thicker and coarser it becomes. this is according to the universal principle that the things we try to rid ourselves of multiply and propagate like weeds.

    3. once you have decided to accept your beard, you will need to find a good barber. beards don't look after themselves, you know. they require a lot of maintenance, and it helps to have someone else who can take care of it for you.

    good luck with your beard. they are frustrating and annoying things at times, but a very worthwhile and satisfying hobby.

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  3. I salute your endeavour and look forward to the result. A Van Dyke? A soul patch? Or the full ZZ Top? Time will tell.

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  4. MY BRAIN WORKS JUST FINE. But my chin? It's made of fail. Le sigh.

    So, my best course is not to try and grow hair on my chin, but make my hair migrate from my scalp instead? Same overall hair quantity?

    I was kinda hoping to go full on hairy everywhere. Hmm.

    Chris, I have no idea what you just said. Clearly I have a lot to learn about the vocabulary of beardy people.

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  5. You have many things yet to learn, young gwasshoppah: The Quest For Every Beard Type.

    Also, anecdotal evidence shows that December is the best month for growing beards; at least, geeks and geek-related people of all denominations gleefully rally together in December under the battle cry of NSID ("No Shaving In December"), and facial foliage multiplies quite noticeably during this month.

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  6. Is that just because the majority of the online world lives in the northern hemisphere and so growing a beard for extra warmth in winter sounds like a good idea?

    'cause I'm not growing a beard in December. Ew.

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  7. You can have my beard. It's scratchy

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  8. Um?

    [.]

    It's scratchy . . .

    . . . [.]

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  9. As you get older, you will start to grow a beard naturally. I've already found (and destroyed) a white hair growing on my chin!

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