Tuesday, September 29, 2009

do not go gentle

A lot of bad things happened last year.

The good thing about bad things is that they must end. That's not an optimistic "it'll all be okay" statement. It's not a comforting thing to tell yourself (hell, I don't care if things will be better later, I'm living in NOW and NOW sucks). But it is true. Inevitable. All things end, nothing lasts forever. Well. Except for amputation. That seems to last a long time. And is a bit of a bummer. I've managed to avoid amputation thus far, though. Go me!

A lot of good things happened this year.

The bad thing about good things is that they must end. That's not a pessimistic "THINGS FALL APART DECAY MISERY WOE" statement. It's not a comforting thing to say to yourself (no, not at all, oh shit oh shit oh shit oshi-). But it is true. Inevitable. All things end, nothing lasts forever. Well. Except for learning to ride a bike. You never forget that. Although if you do have something amputated, well, that's a bit of a bummer.

Like the bad things last year, the majority of these good things I have no power over. They affect me, but exist out of my control.

I thought, being fully aware of what's coming down the pipes aimed straight at my forehead, I'd be a stressed out, anxious, despairing mess. The conclusion of my work secondment and return to shiftwork has an incredible knock on effect into the other areas of my life, and then there's everything else beside that. Loss leads to grief. Grief leads wondering what I could have done to prevent it. Wondering leads to focusing on my uselessness, and down the hole I go.

Yet I am not a stressed out, anxious, despairing mess. I'm squeezing the most out of these good things while I still have them, wringing them out, milking them for all they're worth. I'm aware of the approaching use-by dates without fearing them. I'm behind on everything, I'm amassing consequences like there is no tomorrow, because THERE IS NO TOMORROW. There is just an apocalypse. The only way to meet the apocalypse is hungover and sleep-deprived and with your cranky pants ON. Posting and emails have been quiet because I'm off wreaking havoc on my life before my life gets its groove on and starts wreaking havoc on me.

The good thing about good things is that they remind you what it is to be invincible.

And those cranky pants are just about ready to go. Madame Fearsome Baboon is wearing them right now, to give them the appropriate bouquet (taken at the Melbourne Zoo).



Things are gonna get ugly. Oh yeah. It'll be fabulous.

3 comments:

  1. I can't completely tell if this is a positive or negative post, so I offer generalised support :-)

    You're wrong about that bike thing though. I got on one a year or so ago and I had NO freakin' idea!!!

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  2. Doesn't amputation end in a stump?

    Good and bad? Positive and negative? Yin and yang?
    You're talking binary systems. Computer code, paired codons of DNA, magnetic poles and the I-ching. Everything has its opposite and counterpart, and in effect its' duality.

    In quantum mechanics there is the uncertainty principal.
    According to the uncertainty principle, it is impossible to measure simultaneously both paired properties with any degree of accuracy or certainty. The more precisely one property is known, the less precisely the other can be known. This is not a statement about the ability to measure, it is a statement about the nature of the quantum system itself.

    So the more you are aware of what's coming down the pipes aimed straight at your head, the less you know of what's gurgling up from behind. Remember consequences are not inconsequential.

    The apocalypse is tomorrow?! I'm so under prepared.

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  3. it is neither positive nor negative, or it is both.

    i would say with properties that rely on the contradiction of the other in order to define themselves the more you understand one the more you are forced to understand the other.

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