Thursday, May 08, 2008


I am an Editorial Assistant for Weird Tales.

No, really.

See, how it works is, well, just imagine that the slush pile is the fridge, right? Ann, being Fiction Editor and thus Head Chef, is rummaging through the fridge looking for amazing food. I am in the kitchen because, I dunno, I'm picking my nose or stealing biscuits or something. Every now and then, Ann pulls out something like milk, sniffs it, turns to me and asks, "does this seem alright to you?"

If sniffing the milk kills me, then Ann does not use it.

If I read your story, it means Ann, that most cunning and savy and sly editor, is undecided on the merit of your story. What that really means is that You Are Doing It Wrong. In order to avoid such a fate and thus keep your story as far from me as possible, WRITE OARSUM.

And if you don't believe me, my name is in the last two issues. It's okay to check. To be honest, I didn't really believe it till I saw it myself. I'm chuffed and more than a little humbled to be involved. Many, many thanks to Ann.

Issue #34 of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine is currently available for download as PDF for $4.95AUD. The last story in it is mine, precious, mine! Bitter Elsie Mae is a story of a ship gone bad, as only ships can. It was spawned in week 3 of Clarion South 2005 and Ellen Datlow did not die upon reading it. This publication meets my very low standards of what is required in order to call myself a writer. Even if I am not, in fact, writing.

Also, Daikaiju 3, which contains my giant crab story (actually titled One Night On Tidal Rig #13), is now available in hardcover. So even if I am never ever published again, I can still say I've been published in hardcover.



  1. Congratulations :)

    And now, having spammed you sufficiently, I should probably get back to work....heh

  2. Congratulations on making it past the editorial staff of WT.

  3. You are made of OARSUM!

  4. Anonymous8/5/08 03:46

    That illustrated picture book you've been blogging is still to be achieved. I have to admit, I am reeling at your wondrousness. This means I need to read ASIM, though, doesn't it? And maybe other stuff?

  5. congratulations on your rockin awesumitude!

  6. ArthurMiller@OUSalesperson8/5/08 12:31

    Any chance of preferential treatment if we're not OARSUM ;)?

    (PS: You've just increased ASIMs circulation by one.)

  7. Why haven't I read any of your short stories? Could you please publish a short bibliography for those of us new to the Oarsumness of Tessa?

  8. Hi Tessa -- welcome to the family!

  9. Domo arigato, y'all!

    Mr Miller, I am completely at Ann's mercy when it comes to what I read. Just write oarsum, do eet!

    Matt, I think those two stories are the only ones currently available - the rest were small press anthos over here, and I know at least four of them are out of print. I'm a very low output writer.

    Thank ye, Stephen. : )

  10. Love the culinary comparison! As a new subscriber to WT, I have to say that you guys are doing it the right way. Lots of great content in there.

    Now, to de-funk my next submission...

  11. RAAAH!

    Um. I suppose RAAAH is more aggressive than celebratory, but that is what I decided to put. So raaah.

    PS. the word verification thing says foodle. Fondle noodle? Food noodle. FOODLE

  12. I am tiny grass hopper in the scheme of things, but thanks, David, and good luck.

    Jeri, RAAAAAH! is totally way extremely appropriate. Foodle, yo.

  13. Duuuude! W00tzum!
    My word verification says "achnoo", which is appropriate since I've just been watching Alexander Anderson vs Alucard.
    Ach noo, lassie, ye're the cat's pyjamas.

    Ann wants me to send her something. If I do, ten to one you'll be reading it, because I always do something wrong.

  14. Anderson always struck me as passing through badass and into just plain silly. But it's hard to be badass next to Alucard. Mmmm.

  15. I think Anderson started out badass and was driven by desperation to increasing silliness. I always felt for him. He's like Daffy Duck next to Alucard's Bugs Bunny.

  16. Congratulations!

    I'm woefully behind on all things internet, so apologies for just catching this.

  17. Congrats, Sir Tessa...
    Brave soul.
    I hope not to be spoiling your appetite with submissions to come. Shall send expiration dates in the future ;)

    (& thanks for the kindly words)

  18. Send more, Mr Pridham, do! Although don't make them so perfect that Ann buys them straight off the bat - I want a chance to read too. ; ) Quite disappointing RENNOVATIONS did not get nominated for a Hugo. The fools, they know not what they are missing.