Saturday, May 10, 2008

and chimpanzees sling shit

Living on my own has forced me to adjust the way I think about space. At home, I had my room, which was my space and only my space, followed by the rest of the house, which was our space, and then there was outside, which was anything beyond the front door. Due to the fact that we're out near the sticks no one tended to drop by due to sheer inconvenience, and the house isn't really made for hanging out in. I don't think anyone has visited me at home home since high school. My space and our space didn't tend to be intruded on by anyone other than immediate family. And possums.

When I was up in Canberra, there was our space, and outside. Not having anywhere that was specifically my space taught me that I am, in fact, a guy. You know that whole spiel about how men need a den? Like, the shed in the back yard? Where they can go and Be Men without hinderance, or some such bullshit? Tessas are like that too. They need somewhere to go and Be Tessa, piss on the carpet and brood in peace.

Moving out of home was different again. My whole apartment became my space, and what with living without a fridge and thus having to venture out every day to eat for a whole month, and needing to go out for internet access, the entire city has become our space, and there is no outside. I haven't quite got to the point of going to the supermarket in my pyjamas, but I'm giving it serious consideration.

Having the apartment as my space has taken a bit of getting used to, as suddenly I don't live out near the sticks and it is more than convenient to have friends come over and chill on my kitchen floor, which means there are people in my space.


Even though I like these people and I've specifically invited them, they're in my space! Looking at my stuff! They're Looking! At! My! Stuff! Making! Judgements! About! Me! Augh! Which is something that I'm getting better at dealing with, but I am still struck by the overwhelming urge to tell good friends of mine to GTFO. Which is rude. I guess I'm a very territorial person, and that's a reason, not an excuse.

Which is all very interesting, but it's only to provide you with the adequate background knowledge to fully appreciate just how fucking stressful having strangers inspect my place is. Strangers who apparently have enough money to go around buying inner city apartments. Who may or may not kick me out, who knows? Because having the strangers who currently own the place demand a $25 a week rent rise isn't stressful enough. Strangers! In MY SPACE!

After the inspection, you're damn right I pissed all over the carpet.


  1. Anonymous10/5/08 12:27

    I have been shopping in my jammies. And now that you can't rid you mind of this foul image, you need to know that not a soul in Woden so much as blinked. Does this say something about Canberra? Or just Woolworths?

  2. Piss on the floor *during* inspection! That'll teach them.

  3. Gillian, I think that's just Woden. :p

    You might be on to something, Jaime. There's ANOTHER inspection this Saturday. Mwa haha.

  4. Anonymous11/5/08 04:28

    The hell with the carpet. I say piss on the people who're doing the inspection! That'll learn 'em.

    Or, for a more subtle approach, go piss on their cars while they're doing the inspection. They'll never want to move into a neighbourhood that has a resident Phantom Urinator.

  5. Heh! At last he reveals his true nature!

    Alas, I think pissing on people would get me kicked out of the apartment faster than it would sell.

  6. I always feel awkward and judged when my friends come into my room. I profusely apologize since it tends to be a huge mess, but sometimes I think I leave it a mess because if it were clean then everything would be where it is supposed to be and therefore more judgeable. If that makes sense.

  7. Yeah, that makes sense, heh.

  8. Im lucky I got the hole basement to myself downstairs where me and ricky play dugneons and Dragons but somtimes mom makes me turn the music down. I got drunk once and pissed on my floor and got it the piss on my tape of Rush 2112 and that is not cool.
    you have a rockin blog is Weird Tales a comic book like Heavy Metal?