Some Things Sir Tessa Would Like To Have, Just In Case Anyone Is Listening, Who Might Care Enough To Do Something About These Things, Which Is Highly Unlikely, But You Never Know
Firstly, I would like this headache, this back-off-regroup-fuck-my-head-with-a-spatula headache, that I have been carrying for a week, to go away.
If I cannot have that, then I would like someone on standby to make the appropriate sympathetic noises when I gripe about said headache.
Failing that, I would like someone to teach the pigeons to sound symathetic.
And if I can have none of those things, then I'd like a grand piano.
Preferrably dropped from a great height.
Actually, never mind. I'll just take the piano. It'll save time.