My toes are actually interdimensional portals, through which come the dried up turds of constipated Elder Gods which are so frozen by the interstellar gulf they're invincible, and these then make up my toenails. When Sauron was chillin' in his tower, wondering how to most effectively terrorise the armies of Gondor, one of his henchies suggested throwing my toenails over the walls. Even Sauron said no, hey man, that's taking it a bit far. We'll just stick to decapitated heads.
So, for those of you not quick on the uptake, they're a right bugger to trim. It's a major undertaking. I was going to take the TMI I started in the previous post a step further, and inflict a photo of my frozenElderGodturd toenail cuttings upon ye all, because I'm a jerk like that.
But that's probably the reason why my sex life is the square root of minus one, and I've chosen to be merciful and not inflict my frozenElderGodturd toenails upon you. Am I not merciful? Someone pat me on the head.
(Actually, I really didn't want to zoom in. WHO KNOWS WHAT MYSTERIES LURK BENEATH MY TOENAILS? FHTAGN!)