Tuesday, August 14, 2007

and don't bother leaving the light on

I was certain today would be different.

This certainty was unprompted. It wasn't like the certainty that concrete is hard, water is wet, I am a typist, those tried and tested and proved irrefutable facts. It wasn't highly probably either, as there were no plans for today that would alter it significantly from every other day. I just knew today would be different.

But I woke up, and I was still me.

And I stepped out, and the world stayed in character.

I don't know what I was expecting-

(...a sky so green, so lush and verdant, that as we stood in the streets marvelling at it, a hundred thousand dandylions bloomed in the clouds, and showered us in seeds and fluff.)

(...a pink unicorn to come charging into the office, atop Yul Brynner, prancing and dancing, and saying "Dollface, have I got a ride for you.")

(...I would put on my earphones and press play, and instead of music my iPod would tell me, in hushed and fearful tones, the truth about the moon landing.)

(...all the buildings in the city to unhinge and unfold and dance, townhouses gamboling about the feet of the sky scrapers, and no pigeons seen for another hundred years.)

(...no people, only sharks, so many sharks, walking the streets and smiling shark smiles.)

(...a stranger to say, "You know, it's okay.")

-but it hasn't happened. It won't happen. I am as certain of that, as I am certain today will be different. They contradict each other, and they're both true. What a daft, illogical, frustrating thing a mind is. How am I supposed to know where the ground is, carrying around a contradiction like that? How can I trust anything I think when the things I am certain about are wrong, wrong, wrong?

I've been here before.

Today will not be different.

9 comments:

damselfly said...

you rock.

besides which, if your ipod ever does tell you any secrets of the moon landing, i wanna know too. and also the green sky and the shark people. but not the pink unicorn with yul brynner, or the stranger, because that would freak me out.

er, unless the stranger was jumpably cute. natch.

Tessa said...

...did you just turn down Yul Brynner?

I mean, I know he's dead and stuff, but YUL BRYNNER. Even with a pink unicorn.

chrisbarnes said...

You know, it's okay.

(OK, I'm not really a stranger, but I am a little strange sometimes... does that count? :) )

Tessa said...

Hmm...I shall that that on consideration. Should one of the other (highly unlikely) events occur, sure, you count.


(I keep picturing all these shark people wearing skinny leg jeans, and it bothers me.)

damselfly said...

oh no. yul brynner is fine. yul brynner is dandy. but pink unicorns? not even the power of yul brynner can overcome the my little ponyness of a pink unicorn. it would make me want to eat far more candy floss than is good for me.

Tessa said...

Fairy floss! You make a most significant point. Good thing neither Yul Brynner or pink unicorns have charged into the office (although I still have two and a half hours to go).


(Maybe I'll luck out. Maybe the unicorn will be into the goth sub-culture and be into black eyeliner and piercings.)

3lobed said...

+++Today will not be different.+++

So make it different.

Anonymous said...

I am going to have to hire a clown to jump out and hit you with a pie. THEN your day will be different.

JeffV

Tessa said...

I considered that, but I was certain that it would be the outside that was different, not more or anything I did.

Jeff, if you do, you will have to pay for the counselling that follows. (A yummy pie, on preference.)