7wishes Table of Contents

The stories of 7wishes were written to keep my head above water, posted to alleviate the loneliness and isolation of nightshift, and have moved on from their humble bloggy beginnings as these things are wont to do.

The collection has been gussied up so as not to be an embarrassment in polite society and is currently represented by Sally Harding of the Cooke Agency (Canada).

7wishes

• for a day when the gravity is turned down
• for a pony
• for a day in which we are only allowed to talk to strangers, and are not allowed to acknowledge anyone known to us
• for real true amazing sleep
• that there is a little door in my room, only big enough to crawl through on my belly, with paint so faded and peeled it is no colour, it is all colours
• for silence
• for them to finally drop the bomb

7wishesII

• for a tree to climb
• for photosynthesis
• BAMF!
• for a white knight
• for reassurance
• for just once chance to see
• to hear

7wishesSpecialEdition

• for a bigger, better, blimptastic balloon

7paintingfiascos

• moar ass
• after the war
• before the other war
• unlimited power
• i love to fiiiiiiiight!
• when our powers combine...!
• omg its a velociraptor get in the car
  

7wishesIII

• for a world without secrets or strangers
• for a rock to hide under
• to save the world, one light globe at a time
• for foresight
• for the world to respect people on nightshift and during the day just stop it, seriously now, we’re trying to sleep
• for consequences and crocodiles
• for earthquakes

7paintingfiascosII

• GFS!
• GFSB!
• GFD!
• GFDUAG!
• GFP!
• GFU!
• GFA!

7wishesIV

• to say what i mean
• to know where the wind goes
• for validation
• to know the origin of all things
• to walk through walls
• for a little sunshine
• to be god for a day

7choices

• Predestined (to a point)
• c. Wait...er, where am I?
• a. Do I look like I eat peasant food, you obsolete calculator?
• a. Swim to the edge of the bed, find your clothes and GTFO!
• a. Throw the damn parsley porridge at the ButlerBot, throw the pillow at the ButlerBot, throw yourself at the ButlerBot, etc.
• c. Cry.
• c. HAMMER TIME.

7wishesV

• for more time
• to be king, I hear it's good to be king
• to live in the path of some great migration
• for it to be bleeding obvious
• sharing is caring
• for a bear
• for the revolution

Extra Love

• Arthur Miller's CYOA (with accordians)
• Mike's 7wishes Chinese Whispers
• Jaime's drawing of Florence the Bear
  

OMG IT'S A LION VELOCIRAPTOR GET IN THE CAR

With no requests made it was artists's choice. The artist is feeling decidedly besieged at the moment, and has chosen to illustrate her headspace thus;

She is trapped at the top of a burning building. The burning building happens to be on a ship, which is sinking. There are velociraptors in the burning building. There are sharks in the water. Should she, either through dumb luck or cunning, avoid the raptors, being burned, falling to her death, drowning, and being eaten by sharks, there is still a GIANT FUCKING ASTEROID come to destroy all life on Earth. Halleh-fucking-lujaaaaah.

Many thanks to Larry, Gillian, Andrew, Baz, Chris, ~, and Jaime for their assistance in this surprisingly gruelling endeavour; they share equal blame. FOR SRS.

When our powers combine...!

Here we see SUPERPOPE, who had thought to give PAVAROTTI his Last Rites, only to be surprised as the PHOENIX, which had been chilling in Pavarotti's immense paunch, launches itself into freedom and glory. Superpope takes this badly, and is about to go all hadouken on the phoenix's ass. He has conjured that most holy power, the YEARD OF GOODKIND. In the corner Statler and Waldorf are on COMMENTARY, and they are not impressed. Statler has a GLISTENING SCALP, due to incidents which he will not be relating at this point in time.

I LOVE TO FIIIIIIIIIGHT!

In this piece we see a confrontation between MONKEY, Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, and a MEXICAN NINJA MARIACHI BAND. The NINJAS are attempting to distract Monkey with sweet music, but he thinks their music sucks, and is giving them the finger. The middle ninja has noticed that they are standing in PURPLE COFFEE, and the right-most ninja does not like the way the purple coffee is soaking his feet. Maraccas ninja is doing a stunning surprise attack, and Monkey is totally going to whup his ass. This event takes place outside the window of an actual ass, who is calling the cops on these damn low-life punks.

Unlimited Power

Here we see the Great Nostromo, a MAN WITH UNCANNY NOSTRIL POWERS, using his particular talents for evil. HAIRY MCTAVISH, THE SCOTTISH DANCING WOMBAT, has been caught unawares and, jig disrupted, is about to meet a very sticky end. Along with some detatched assmonkey TOES and autonomous PURPLE COFFEE.

This is all taking place inside the WORLD'S BIGGEST CHIKO ROLL.

Before The Other War

Here we have a depiction of that eternal conflict between ASSMONKEYS and CTHULHU'S GONADS. On the left, BOOMzilla and the CCTV Allstars jam out death metal on their ACCORDIANS, in the first opening salvo of the battle. The assmonkeys mosh and work themselves into a beserker rage. Being as it is very cold, some of the assmonkeys have elected to wear BOOTS. Those who haven't have had some of their TOES fall off, but in the heat of the moment have failed to notice.

To the left is an interdimensional portal through which the offspring of Cthulhu's gonads are pouring. Being as they do not have feet, they are not wearing boots. Nevertheless, the cold affects them and they have shrunken somewhat.

In the centre is the GYPSY CAB DRIVERwho, being a cab driver, has no idea where she is going and has thus found herself between these two titanic armies. Her friend has just noticed WILLIAM SHATNER'S TOUPEE being wielded by one of the gonads, and realises he has finally discovered the CURE to his poison. He's about to spill his PURPLE COFFEE on his lap in his excitement. They're both going to die horribly.

A LONE FIGURE ON A TRICERATOPS is present in the distance. They are eating chips. With gravy.

Mmm. Gravy.

I like to call this piece "Oh Holy Fuck I'm Going To Die".

After The War

What we see here is the aftermath of that most EPIC BATTLE between Cthulhu and ASSMONKEYS, which saw the assmonkeys most victorious. As they prepared themselves for DINNER TIME and armed themselves with SILVERWARE to feast upon his testicles, Cthulhu had the last laugh as his GONADS flew away.

BOOYAH

Here's the deal: instead of 7wishes, you get MS Paint doodles. Because, seriously, that's what the government pays me for. Leave requests, suggestions, lists of random things that are required to appear in the one image in the comments, and I shall paint what tickles my fancy. One artistic atrocity per night.