BEST. STARTING LETTERS. EVER.

When something like that hits at 10:50am on a Friday morning there's no point in pretending that any further productivity will be forthcoming. Hot porn heralded the beginning of the weekend.

Plans only last until contact with-

It can now be revealed that last weekend and operation was conducted that saw the covert invasion of Canberra for the purposes of attending Gillian's 50th birthday party. This operation was successful. Copious amounts of fairy bread were neutralised.

This operation could not have been carried out without the assistance of a third party, who shall go unnamed at this point in time, especially given what happened after the party, which I shall now recount.

At the entrance to his base we stood in the dark, he with the key in the door and I freezing my non-existent nuts off, when a "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" rang out in the night. My accomplice half-turned to me, as if unsure about drawing my attention to the sound, or unsure if I was the one who had made it, as I said, "Did you just hear a sheep?"

My accomplice opened the door, and said to the [redacted] standing in the hall, "What have you done?"

Before he could finish this question, a second very definite "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shook the house, and a third, and we proceeded straight to the kitchen and observed the following;

One (1) new-born lamb in a cardboard box lined with newspaper.



A lamb. Definitely.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

This lamb had been born only hours before hand. Unfortunately the act of giving birth inflicted a prolapsed uterus upon the mother, who had to be put down. The [reeeeedaaaaaaacted] were already running late, and could not leave the lamb unguarded or the eagles would get it. The crows too, apparently crows are all for stealing bebelamb's eyes. In light of this, they took the only course of action available to them and took the lamb with them. In an esky on t he back seat.

It was crusted with blood and placenta still, and "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"ing incessantly.

Being the big strong unmeltable person I am, I immediately went to the bebelamb and proceeded to coo and whisper and pat it furiously. All it wanted was contact. Put a hand to his head and he became quiet and calm.

The legs amazed me. So ridiculously knobby, so many joints cannot be practical. [redacted] lifted and set him down on his feet, and those knobby legs shook like crazy, the look on his face nothing short of a terrified "OMG GUYS, GUYS OMG, THIS IS HIGH UP, LIKE, REALLY HIGH UP."



Then he peed. Aww. Bebelambie's first wee!

A mixture of milk and sugar was concocted, and once it was warm enough fed to the bebelambie from a bottle with a massive teat. Bebelambie loved the shit out of that, gobbled it all right up. And his tail went SPASTIC with joy. I have never seen such a happy tail!

Sadly, bebelambie did not shut up. Thankfully, bebelambie slept at the other end of the house.

In the morning, there was no sign of the bebelambie.

Chops for breakfast?

ICECREAM [redacted]

Part III of The Mona Lisa!



WHOA.

We're now into new territory, stuff that neither Jeff nor I have seen before. AND WHOA. EEEEEEEEEEEE. TEN. WHOLE. MINUTES. Thanks France!

(Actual blogpost coming, uh, when I am not dying of pain.)

Apply Now

Tessadom Inc. is now taking applications for the role of SACRIFICIAL MONKEY.

Your role will include giving up your soul, dignity and possibly your life (not necessarily in that order) to Our Lady of Unseen Tensions, who inflicteth and taketh away Repetitive Strain Injuries.

Responsibilities include: stop Tessa's arms from hurting, appeasing the above mentioned saint, and not getting blood on the carpet.

You know who you are, and you know you are awesome.

But I know what I'm missing.

Things keep falling out of my head. Mostly they are little things, the loss of which has no impact on my life, but that I am poorer for the loss.

Better now I can hear myself. The glass between me and my howling heart is thinner. This combination of medication has raised me and kept me above the quality of mind that can only be described as “surviving".

There is always a price.

My memory.





These things to fall out of my head may be small, but, they are important. And now they are gone.

Unsurprisingly, I am paying for yesterday's triumph today.

The disappointment surprises me.
But.
I guess I hoped that winning one meant winning all.
And I'd woken up from two long years of unhappy dreaming.