tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post6133628114858670546..comments2024-01-25T22:55:04.308+00:00Comments on Silence Without: Blogger really needs a cut feature.Tessahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07523122977323033271noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-73492761438748348192009-05-03T01:43:00.000+00:002009-05-03T01:43:00.000+00:00Reading this a little late, wanted to register my ...Reading this a little late, wanted to register my solidarity since I'm going through, if not similar, a parallel situation.<br /><br /><br />Belonging. Is a thorny issue, really. And it's a subject that's as emotional to me, for different reasons. I've never felt I belonged _anywhere_. Not back home in Malaysia, not when I was in school in England, not here. Not all the time. Coming from a hybrid background as well, I was pretty much the loner through school in Malaysia, with individual cool people who befriended me. Couple of decades later, in grad school, I experience the same. People who simply cannot believe that my outlook is not the exoticized eastern outlook. Back home I'd be known as a "coconut", a little too Westernized to integrate. Here, it's the same, except you end up looking like a "mimic" person for knowing the things you do, for having the ideals and ideas that you do.<br /><br />For me, I guess in the end the idea of constructions of racial/national heritage ends up becoming if not meaningless, fraught with questions and ambiguity for me- I like people that I like. And if they can't accept me warts and all, I move on. And yes, racefail did bring up a lot of feelings for me as well. Some of which I wrote in a locked entry. Heh.<br /><br />Good luck with the story :)<br /><br />Like I wrote in another locked entry of mine (heh) - being hybrid means not being as "inbred" and this can only be a good thing. (tongue-in-cheek)<br /><br />- The NinnyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-60855735570194248462009-04-18T13:55:00.000+00:002009-04-18T13:55:00.000+00:00Special is so completely the word for it. xD A lit...Special is so completely the word for it. xD A little more speshuller every day.<br /><br />Mah poor daddy. Mom's going to have him put down, she says.<br /><br />We do smear the love around a bit, don't we? I never realised how very insidious we were until recently. Does that count as culture? I'll tell mom. She'll be startled and thrilled; she's been trying to culture us for years.<br /><br />My family is the Borg wtf :/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-21396928034989893552009-04-14T14:31:00.000+00:002009-04-14T14:31:00.000+00:00That's your own special culture, heh. Most famili...That's your own special culture, heh. Most families develop language and culture that is exclusive, but you guys are just smearing the love around. ; )<br /><br />My family doesn't behave like that, on either side. I think these things are part of a cultural makeup, as cultural and family backgrounds are to tangled up to truly tease apart.Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07523122977323033271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-55330126298624583372009-04-13T08:27:00.000+00:002009-04-13T08:27:00.000+00:00I quote you:"From the other direction, Miiru, I've...I quote you:<BR/><BR/>"From the other direction, Miiru, I've no idea what it is to assume a place in a group. All cultural quirks aside, my family doesn't even work like that. We're a bunch of individuals who happen to be related, but we don't act as a unit in the slightest. I think it must be awesome to have a huge family that gets together and is insane (like your most rockin' family, heh)."<BR/><BR/>I have quoted you!<BR/><BR/>The thing I have quoted makes me make frowny faces at my computer screen. This is because my big rockin' family *completely* adopted you. I don't think I ever told you. Heh. You are one of my mom's far-flung chicks, and the reason I make the frowny faces is because but for distance, you could have that experience of getting together and being insane (and the insanity is getting worse, mark you: mah daddy's getting weird in his encroaching decrepitude. Poke mom and ask her about the motorcycle in the tree). My big rockin' family is bigger than the blood ties. It's... weird. And awesome. We're branching out, too- one of Dor's friends, Alex, is going through a rough patch, and mom and dad have taken him in. I've acquired a black little brother. It's neat. :)<BR/><BR/>I dunno. I imagine that circumstance isn't quite what you're talking about, either,when you talk about belonging, but it's a microcosm of it, of sorts. And I think it's important for me to tell you that my family, we have a spot for you, even if you <I>do</I> live upside down and tomorrow.<BR/><BR/>Oo. I rambled. /talentedmiirunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-49358797365916605912009-04-10T04:17:00.000+00:002009-04-10T04:17:00.000+00:00LOL! Oh, Japan...LOL! Oh, Japan...Kirstennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-81358659764041620462009-04-10T01:32:00.000+00:002009-04-10T01:32:00.000+00:00Thanks, Theo. I have a copy of the book on my she...Thanks, Theo. I have a copy of the book on my shelves somewhere. I'll bump it up the TBR list.<BR/><BR/>MY PERSONALITY IS LOUSY JAIME AND IT IS GOING TO STAIN YOUR DAMN PANTS.<BR/><BR/>From the other direction, Miiru, I've no idea what it is to assume a place in a group. All cultural quirks aside, my family doesn't even work like that. We're a bunch of individuals who happen to be related, but we don't act as a unit in the slightest. I think it must be awesome to have a huge family that gets together and is insane (like your most rockin' family, heh).<BR/><BR/>It's not a bad thing to not understand. Means you've never been in the position, and that's a good thing.<BR/><BR/>Bruce Skywalker. XD When I was in Japan people thought I was Thai or from Hong Kong, and then exclaimed "But you're not blonde!" when I told them I was Australian.Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12620582836939851015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-66924462111061602792009-04-09T12:38:00.000+00:002009-04-09T12:38:00.000+00:00Great post, love. Like Miiru, I've been ostracised...Great post, love. Like Miiru, I've been ostracised for this and that, but never for something as arbitrary and beyond my control as visible ethnic type. I have no idea what that particular pain feels like.<BR/><BR/>Nonetheless, I'm having trouble with that story, too. We'll get there.<BR/><BR/>I was in England a few years ago and a man in a fish and chip shop asked where I was from. "Australia," I said. "Aren't you a bit short for an Australian?" he said. To which I guess I should have replied, "I'm Bruce Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you!"<BR/><BR/>As Black Sabbath said, we're lost children of the sea...Kirstennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-65705854009191566452009-04-09T11:58:00.000+00:002009-04-09T11:58:00.000+00:00Really excellent text!Really excellent text!spidlorishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12378389823574385777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-21451461267861890892009-04-08T22:32:00.000+00:002009-04-08T22:32:00.000+00:00You make me think thinky thoughts.That's a good th...You make me think thinky thoughts.<BR/><BR/>That's a good thing. A hard thing. But a good thing.<BR/><BR/>I am trying to wrap my head around the difference between acceptance and belonging. It's harder than I want to admit it is. It's harder because just as you say: it's not an experience in which I can take part. I'm white. I'm /White/. I am as cracker-pasty omg-white as it's possible to be, with nothing but English and German and Irish in my heritage, all the way back as far as I can count and my ancestors could write in family Bibles, and whether that holy-shit-you're /white/-ness was in Europe or America, it infused not just the genes that got handed down to me, but the culture, broad and narrow, external and within the family structure. It's handed me privelege I didn't understand until very recently. I'm conflicted about that.<BR/><BR/>I can say I know what it's like to be ostracised- that's true enough; I got teased and mocked and bullied for being too goddamn smart for my own good, and antisocial, and withdrawn and quiet and afraid- but I don't know what it's like to be pigeonholed like you've been. For all that I got that kind of intellectual harassment, I was at least still acceptable on the margins of the group, because at least I was white, and I shared that commonality with the people who were harassing me. We had culture in common, and I belonged, however much I was on the fringe of it.<BR/><BR/>I don't have the frame of reference to process this properly, not easily. I wish I did. I want to understand it, because you are one of my favourite people, and I want to understand you better than I do. <BR/><BR/>I hate that you are untethered and alone-feeling. Belonging is important.<BR/><BR/>I feel like I've said something wrong, up there, although I'm not sure I know what it is, or how better to say what's going on in my head. But you've made me think thinky thoughts. I'll keep on thinking them.Miirunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-2941443810413853352009-04-08T20:17:00.000+00:002009-04-08T20:17:00.000+00:00You may be a cranky hermit crab, but you do NOT ha...You may be a cranky hermit crab, but you do NOT have a lousy personality and I will go toe to toe with your inner bitch and tell her so. In fact, you are delightfully off-the-wall and should post *more* often around the intarwebs, not less. No matter how long you've been gone or how far apart you hold yourself, Smarch is one place you can always crashland and call home for a little while and get your rightful lovins.Jaimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13100788236451699824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-66217370218309456022009-04-08T17:18:00.000+00:002009-04-08T17:18:00.000+00:00http://craphound.com/est/download.phpA book about ...http://craphound.com/est/download.php<BR/>A book about tribes and emerging ideas of belonging-ness.<BR/>Contains appealing ideas that, while they are not true yet, may be true in ten years or so.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13803829686137084812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-25894051777083569772009-04-08T00:35:00.000+00:002009-04-08T00:35:00.000+00:00Great post. Not at all badly phrased or worded, ei...Great post. Not at all badly phrased or worded, either. Looking forward to seeing that story. :)chrisbarneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11784379919671863357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-45232581565142252822009-04-07T23:30:00.000+00:002009-04-07T23:30:00.000+00:00Ha! I refrained from 'exotic' because of that, he...Ha! I refrained from 'exotic' because of that, heee.<BR/><BR/>I should state I'm not after sympathy or wanting to play the victim card overly, although I don't think I can wade into the subject without wailing 'pooor meee' at some point. Just trying to...I don't know. Find some small managable portion that will fit in a short story without being an enormous emotional brick wall.<BR/><BR/>And yeah, in 100 years everyone will be half asian of some description, but this is now. <BR/><BR/>Bit like that, Charles, that it isn't really about what you define yourself as, but the fact that you keep coming up against people choosing a definition for you, and continuing to do so even if it's pretty clear you don't fit that. Transplanted cultures are slippery beasts.<BR/><BR/>Choosing your tribes is different, though, Aanimal, because that's an acceptance thing, not a belonging thing. And either because of some enormous social conditioning or because I am just a cranky hermit crab with a lousy personality, I'm not comfortable with tribes, or a sense of being a part of community. Hence I've pulled back from Smarch and any other number of forums online. That's what I mean when I say it's too late to learn. <BR/><BR/>I find individuals. A group, a community, a tribe, clan, race, religion, whatever you want to call it - I'm not wired to have or make a place in such things.Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07523122977323033271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-55185776127627865842009-04-07T19:04:00.000+00:002009-04-07T19:04:00.000+00:00Tessa: *enfolds you in a giant bear hug and doesn'...Tessa: *enfolds you in a giant bear hug and doesn't let go for a couple of years*<BR/><BR/>I do think that the one thing which offsets the tribalism is this, here: the interwebs. I nearly feel I have more shared history with Smarchers than with Dutch people (especially since leaving behind the zombie box), and every year the remaining gap continues to lessen. A different message board I'm on (and have been on from the start) just celebrated its tenth birthday.<BR/>Both of these places, as well as various blogs and whatnots, have given me far more friends and people who I feel are "us" than any old-fashioned tribe based in the regular real world. Those communities are <EM>real</EM>, and although their geographic dispersement makes them harder to fall back upon, they'll become ever more important to the sense of identity. And even though these virtual communities are surely as bad with closing ranks against outsiders as any of the real world tribes (whether based on skin color or on music), the great thing about them is that you can't see from the outside which ones people belong to, and their barrier to entry is far lower than any other. <BR/>And so I think (hope) that when more and more people's sense of identity is based on the faceless virtual communities they're part of, this movement will offset the rise of tribalism which you predict.<BR/><BR/>So yeah, I think things are getting better; and are amazingly better than they were a generation ago. But meanwhile the current mess is still looking rather insurmountably large... :/<BR/><BR/><BR/>Jaime: I went into racefail pretty much exactly the same as (I think) you (did) - "I'm colorblind, _all_ discrimination sucks, no matter what reason", and then wondering what the fuss was about. But what eventually was made clear to me is that the fuss is about the pervasiveness. We personally might not treat people differently (as much as possible, and I suspect I fail at that every so often anyway), but people still live in a world where they feel intensely that they're treated differently on a near-continuous basis. And what turns those of us who don't see that into the "bad guys" is not that we have the "privilege" of not experiencing the same, but that we don't really <EM>listen</EM> to the people who tell us that no, it really, really, <EM>really</EM> exists, and they're suffering from it, even if we happen to be amongst the few who don't make them feel that way. <BR/>It's physically impossible for us to experience the same, and so maybe we should just heed these words and accept that this is the way things still are to a far too large degree. (And then we can rail against it alongside everyone else.)<BR/><BR/><BR/>... talk about hogging the comment section. :pAanimalhttp://weblog.juima.org/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-28959215658882069462009-04-07T16:18:00.000+00:002009-04-07T16:18:00.000+00:00btw, while out at the grocery store just now, I ha...btw, while out at the grocery store just now, I had a sudden craving for lo mein and hot and sour soup.<BR/><BR/>I blame you!Jaimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13100788236451699824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-41550996842826977362009-04-07T15:29:00.000+00:002009-04-07T15:29:00.000+00:00Remember: you're not foreign, you're EXOTIC! :PIn...Remember: you're not foreign, you're EXOTIC! :P<BR/><BR/>In a contained variation of RaceFail, I'm one of the Bad Guys, because I'm pretty stringently colorblind, and people mistake color-blindness for heritage-language-culture-experience-we-are-all-beautiful-blindess. Not so. I just give absolutely no special consideration to anyone based on color or how many generations of their ancestors were shat upon. Humanity is a cruel cruel collective, and skin color is just one of a thousand excuses for shittings-upon.<BR/><BR/>The pieces of you are what make you whole. You're Malaysian AND Chinese AND Caucasian-kum-Australian. You don't have to pick and choose - you shouldn't have to. I generally identify myself as Welsh, because that's the most recent of my immigrant relatives, but I'm still English, German and Italian. The fact that I'm the "default" phenotype in America makes this easier for me, I think, but in five hundred years, *you* will be the default phenotype. <BR/><BR/>Just think of yourself as a step ahead in evolution! :D<BR/><BR/>(and she shuts up here before she hogs the comment section!)Jaimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13100788236451699824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-42319632775978188542009-04-07T13:19:00.000+00:002009-04-07T13:19:00.000+00:00Congrats on getting invited to the anthology.Great...Congrats on getting invited to the anthology.<BR/><BR/>Great post Tessa.<BR/><BR/>Over here there's a similar conflict. Family wants me to be "Chinese" even if strictly speaking, they're more Filipino than the Chinese in China. And of course, the other people see me as Chinese rather than Filipino. But me? I consider myself Filipino.Charleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02773038335190893557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3755770.post-76836979411900670552009-04-07T13:10:00.000+00:002009-04-07T13:10:00.000+00:00Beautiful post, Tessa. Thanks so much for writing ...Beautiful post, Tessa. Thanks so much for writing it.Ben Paynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13771119554302398205noreply@blogger.com