Really Should Have Used A Hot Dog

Yesterday, Deb and I took part in the Melbourne Freeze Frame Project 2009, a flash mob that froze in motion for five minutes in the Bourke Street Mall.

I think I used up all my 'stroke of genius' moments for the year in those minutes.

First; what pose to be caught in? I didn't want it to be something ridiculously over the top and obviously out of place and on purpose, nor did I want it to be utterly mundane. I pondered what unexpected photos make people look the funniest, and the answer was obvious: eating. Being mid-bite makes everyone look ridiculous. Awesome. Easy.

I took it a step further and bought myself the straightest churros I could find. *coughguttermindcough*

I was also delivering Deb's contributor copy of Postscripts Magazine #18, which features a most excellent story of hers, and is, holy cow, just a freakin' beautiful book.

We figured we'd pose looking at it, but, well, Postscripts is neither well known nor readily available down here. If we're going to draw attention to ourselves for five minutes, be in a position to let others study us unabashedly for five minutes, might as well make the most of the situation and have The Man work for us. Product placement FTW.

I took my copy of Deb's most OARSUM book Shadow Queen, and when the bells chimed one o'clock I was caught reading the back of the book, the cover for all to see, and fellating a donut.

Unfortunately, we were a ways from the main group, and so were missed by most of the people toting cameras around. There are no photos of us as yet, and we're only caught by accident in the background of one video.

The red hat makes me easy to spot, but, uh, where the hell is Deb? Seriously, she was standing right in front of me the whole time. We were pretty close together, and she didn't wander off or anything because she was busy not moving. I've watched those couple of seconds several times now, and I swear, she's not there. She's a vampire or something, doesn't show up on video. In all other flashes of us in the background, everything is carefully timed so someone is walking right in front of where she'd be.

I think she's a secret ninja.



And in this one you can almost make out the churros.



Unfortunately, being a ways from the main group also meant we got a lot of attention. A lot. Of. Attention. It was a surprising amount of fun, observing people's reactions to the surreal plonked down in the middle of the street, and in some cases how their inhibitions drop away when they realise we're not going to acknowledge a thing they do. Which some people took as a challenge.

I was protected by my giant earphones (which were plugged into my phone and which was SUPPOSED to have an alarm go off when the time was up, but, uh, user error (which meant we actually had no idea when to stop, 'cause neither of us could see anyone else either (it was a bit of a conflagration of errors, actually))), but Deb HEARD ALL. Including one girl peering at me and saying "But what's the point? It'll just go all soggy in her mouth!"

You have no idea.

I don't even like donuts.

I think this makes up for my last attempt at publicity.

Later, we were perusing a menu and found the BEST typo in the world;



Next weekend, Deb will be having an author signing in Newcastle at Angus & Robertson Kotara, from 11am. It's her first signing, so I encourage all people in the area to attend and make her sign stuff, because she claims to be allergic to such practices, and that's an allergic reaction which would probably be quite amusing to behold.

(Because she's actually a decent and dignified person, she won't be sucking off any donuts.)